Avatar the Last Airbender: Jedi Outcast - Book 1 - Prodigal Butcher

Chapter 9 - Failure of The Jedi Knight

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Chapter 9 - Edited

"So... you've finally come," Meetra's shimmering blue lights flickered before Ben's gaze as the coarse wind ruffled through his hair. He stood a mile away from the campground where he and Team Avatar had set up, departing during the first light of the sun.

Meditation was always a struggle for him, battle and fighting being his comfort zones. Sitting still in silence felt dreadful, and even calling on the force for mundane tasks nearly made him pass out.

Ben rose from his crouch, meeting Meetra's gaze in the misty blue reflection. "Have you finally realized your responsibility towards the Jedi and this world?" she asked, causing Ben to nod in agreement.

With a newfound sense of respect, Ben bowed, his eyes fixed on Meetra's shoes. "I am sorry, Meetra. For everything," he said, lifting his head to gaze into her eyes, emotions threatening to spill over. "I was wrong for everything...I know, I am a monster. Even then, I need you to teach me once again the ways of the Jedi."

Meetra kneeled before her apprentice, sensing the guilt and sorrow surrounding him in the force. She knew it wasn't entirely his fault; it was the failings of his masters, including herself, and the warped teachings of the Jedi that led him astray.

The war and his fall to the dark side were products of her own failings as a master. She had abandoned him to the Sith while she wandered the galaxy during her exile, and everything he became was a result of her actions.

But telling him that he was a child soldier, a slave to higher powers who didn't know any better, wouldn't change the fact that she had failed him. She sighed, shaking her head, listening to Ben's words. She was grateful he had survived this long, fortunate that the smoke in his lungs or the alcohol hadn't taken him, or that he hadn't succumbed to drunken brawls that could have easily killed him.

Her Benjamin, her first apprentice. She wouldn't fail him again. It was her chance to correct the mistakes she made when she was only eighteen. "Alright then, let's begin," she said with determination in her voice.

Ben nodded, a small grin stretching across his face as he eagerly awaited Meetra's instruction. She could sense his happiness, and she too felt fortunate for this second chance.

"Meetra, I need to confess," Ben said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I can hardly remember any of my abilities... my lightsaber forms as well. Many times, when I called upon the force, it was mostly muscle memory."

Meetra understood, nodding in acknowledgment. It wasn't uncommon for Jedi to cut themselves off from the force, blocking it along with their other memories. "Yes, that is unfortunate... though not a rarity," she murmured, meeting Ben's gaze.

"Indeed," Ben agreed, absorbing the knowledge his master imparted. He had witnessed it himself, the force surging through him in moments of desperation or fear. The power was both intoxicating and terrifying. He couldn't deny that a part of him yearned to feel it again, like a junkie craving one last fix.

Smoking and drinking had become his coping mechanisms, numbing the nightmares and horrific memories that plagued him. But Meetra's next demand hit him hard. "You can't drink anymore... and I want the smokes gone."

Ben's instinct was to argue, but Meetra silenced him with a raised palm. "Those things... they limit your connection to the force," she explained. "The alcohol and smokes are obstacles, Benjamin. If you want to move forward, you have to let go."