still jake POV
the car ride was quite as it usually was when we didn't have much to talk about, i hate it like this but i don't know what to talk about especially a time like this when we haven't done anything interesting recently after a long ass ride (less than 10 mins) we pull in and i park we both get out johnnie taking forever seemingly glued to his phone i cant help but be a little jealous over whoever he is talking to right now, i wish he would talk to me more i know we literally talk all the time but i usually have to start the conversations i know that's just how he is though but sometimes i really have no idea how to start talking either and that's how times like this happen i just sigh to myself as i open the door for him "ladies first!" i bow jokingly and he rolls his eyes "oh shut uppp dick" he laughs but he walks in anyways and i walk in after.\
we get hit with the smell of alcohol and smoke, it smells like there is thirty lit cigarettes and forty vapers in here right now but add in aton of alcohol and don't forget the weed and rugs to it just smells terrible but doesn't all of la?? we walk in and head up to the bar finding a few seats at the very end near the bathrooms perfect for when johnnie undoubted ends up throwing up i laugh at my thoughts but it still hurts to think about how he always throws up then continues to drink, like right after bro is done puking his guts out he asks for another shot
we sit down and both order soemthing i asked the man what the most liked item on the menu was and just got that i have a hard time choosing what to order so i do this alot, i think johnnie got vodka or something i don't really know i look at johnnie trying to figure out what to talk about and see he had his phone out again "who ya talking to man? you are GLUED to that thing" i say in a joking tone but i think he could tell i wasn't really joking "uhh kyle, one of the guys from mde- you probably know that- well he messaged me asking how I'm doing so ya know" he says shrugging and i think for a second i know of kyle and of course i knew he was in mde with johnnie but i don't know like anything about them.
"i've heard of him??" i say joking a little trying to start a conversation by giving johnnie the chance to talk about kyle even though i don't really care and to be honest it makes me a little upset johnnie would rather talk to some other guy than me his best friend but whatever i guess. "he's the guy bryan forced me to kiss when we hit one million" johnnie says laughing as if that was common information i just let my mouth fall i seem to always find out soemthing new about this man, seriously how much lore can one emo have?? "what?!" johnnie laughed more at my reaction "y-you dint know?!" "NO?! was i supposed to?! hold up-" i laugh now very confused "i thought he like forced you to kiss .. you know not a man??" i didn't want to bring up alex i know its a touch talk for him "you are aloud to say her name man don't worry" he jokes before continuing "he forced both, back then me and kyle were a popular ship in the "fandom" or whatever, dude we like took over wattpad for so long" johnnie laughs as he seems to be thinking back to his memories.
why did my heart hurt? me and johnnie are friends and this was like years and years ago why would i even care "people just cant believe your straight huh?" i laugh out and johnnie nods laughing but it seems like there is something im missing her, he has a weird look on his face when i bring up him being straight but i ignore it for now and try to keep us talking "well how is kyle dude doing now?" i ask him as i take a sip of the drink i ordered only slightly regretting ordering it, its way to sour for my liking but its okay for now, johnnie takes a shot before speaking "hes doing good, he doesn't really do youtube anymore but he still acts the same as back then" johnnie says before he calls the bartender back over
"careful dude, you know three shots already gets you pretty drunk" i try to hide my concern and sadness, i know that we wont talk much after he gets hammered "that's what I'm here for man shutt up" he laughed rolling his eyes as he ordered another shot and i just laugh feeling worse about this, i sip my drink again as he took his shot. we sit in silence for a while johnnie looks like he's on another planet deep in thought before he speaks "there's.. something i want to tell you jake.." his words slightly slur as he looks at me and i feel a little scared not knowing what to expect "uhh okay, shoot" i look at him but he just stares at me for a second almost inspecting me before he continues sighing
"how would" he looks away from me "how would you react if i told you... i - i was gay?" he looks like he is bracing himself for something as if i would be mad or something? that hurts damn. "dude i don't care- i wait i mean like, that doesn't change anything! i wish you didn't have to be drunk and scared to tell me but i support you man! fully!" i say hoping he is sober enough to remember this tomorrow "you don't think I'm gross? you kissed a gay man jake" he says looking back at me "i have kissed multiple gay men, your not original! plus its not like you like me or anything so i don't care at all" i laugh hoping what i say is reassuring and i keep my tone light adding in jokes trying to keep our time happy i guess i understand now why he made that face earlier
he nods before ordering another shot i just watch wishing i could make him stop, what's he on now? 5 or 6? he's close to throwing up i know it.
i finish my gross drink and order something else i actually like and drink it quickly not liking how I'm the only sober one "i have something i want to" he hiccups "uhm tell you but i wanted to say it sober but I'm a pussy" johnnie seems to be watching my face closely "tell me sober" is all i say knowing he would regret it later if he said something drunk that he isn't ready to tell me it doesn't click to me yet. "mm i probably wont tell you" it hurts knowing hes scared to say something i thought we were pretty open with each other it really sucks that he is scared of all things though, "i hope you tell me, i wont be mad no matter what it is okay man?? you could come out as a furry or some shit and i would support the fuck out of you so tell me when your ready.. AND sober" i say really really hoping he understands what im saying but i cant tell cause he just nods
YOU ARE READING
is it to late to change my mind?
Fanfictionjohnnie confesses to jake but jake rejects him but he later realizes he actually does love johnnie and regrets rejecting him but has johnnie moved on?
