wish you were sober. (V2)

3

Ow! Fuck!"

Lloyd sat with an ice bag smushed to his face, groaning continuously.

"You deserve that." I mumble from my seat at his desk, a sweet five feet away from his bed in this oversized bedroom.

He only grumbled more and dove into his pillows, looking for sleep between his sheets once more.

"Hey! Get up! We have to talk about what happened yesterday! And what we are going to do!" I yelled towards him, only for him to turn and ignore me more.

This only agitated me more, moving my before petrified legs towards him and snatching the pillow from right under his head and beating him with it some more.

"Holy- Okay, stop! I'm sorry! Fuck, my face again!? Just-" I let my pettiness get to me as I kept beating him until I felt this hand grip my hand - before I landed on his bed, arms pinned above me by Lloyd's hands as he held me down. His face was bend down, all I could see was his hair and his breath fanning my nape.

"Please..." He whispered, so quiet I almost missed it.

"Sorry..." Was all I could whimper. My mind was equivalent to a pile of melted ice cream as my heartbeat so fast I was nearing cardiac arrest.

"I'll let go, just don't-" He whispered into my skin. Our closeness let him feel as I nodded, before he loosened his grip, sliding his hands down my arms, straddling me for a second as he looked down at me darkened eyes, before flipping over and sitting on the end of his bed, legs crossed and head down, playing with the wrinkles in his sheets.

Slowly, I sat up too, folding my legs up to my chest, resting my head on my knees as I stared at Lloyd, which did not help my rapidly beating heart.

I nervously played with my hands as I glanced from the bed to Lloyd. I had so much to ask, but how would I even start?

"So- um, about what we did-"

"We only kissed. I wasn't going to do anything else. You were drunk." I blushed pathetically at that clarification, but it made sense. If we did anything else, I defiantly would have remembered at least a little.

"Right, okay, thanks..." More awkward silence. I found myself wishing for more alcohol, obviously I was far from awkward last night.

"What now?" I looked at Lloyd, his dark eyes meeting mine.

"What now, is what you're thinking right?" I looked away nervously before nodding slowly. I could hear him fidgeting around, trying to find the words,

"I mean- I think people saw us together at the party, but we didn't do anything until we got to my place. People have only really seen me with girls so," When I looked back at him, he was turned away, but I could see a tint of blush dusting his cheeks, "We can just act like we hung out at the party and nothing else."

That took me but surprise for some reason. But then again, if we were to be friends, how would that work? I was nothing like Lloyd. He was sociable, kind and so charming, while I read books to teach me how to interact with other people. As well as the fact all the people who swarm him are not the fondest of me, for reasons I'll never know.

"No, wait that sounds like I don't like you- I mean that- I thought maybe you wouldn't-" The cracking of his cool demeanour brought a level of comfort to me, the most I felt since waking up sober. I chuckled and, using the boldness I pulled out from my ass, I placed a hand over his.

"Don't worry, I get it. It would be normal between us, but not to others. He stared dumbfound before nodding slowly, that light blush kissing his skin as he took his hand in mine, a small smile gracing his godsent features.

I turned as I blushed too, unlike him, I don't look so pretty blushing, but more resembling a choking child.

"If you could... don't tell anyone about us? I'm just not ready to be out yet. This is the first time I've ever been - romantic? Can I even say that?" Lloyd just smiled and breathed out a chuckle.

"Me too..." Lloyd said quietly. I looked towards him. The sun was rising, casting a warm orange glow over his face, lighting his dark eyes into a similar colour to Mars. Suddenly, those eyes turned to me.

"Do you... regret it?" He asked slowly. His voice was so deep and low, I felt in rumble somewhere inside me.

I wanted to feel like I did, but no matter where I searched my brain, the answer was,

"No." He smiled that heart crushing smile of relief. Something his eyes changed suddenly. Normally, I'd say I'm pretty good at reading people, but right now, I have no idea what he's thinking.

He shuffled a little closer, gripping my hand a little tighter as he whispered hoarsely,

"Can I be selfish, just this once?" He breathed out. My heartbeat kicked back up to 100 beats a second as the blood rushed to my face and brain. He leaned impossibly closer, until out thighs touched, his arm reaching past me letting him lean into me as breathlessly said,

"Can I kiss you one last time?" I never thought words could actually take someone's breath away, not until I experienced it myself. Looking at him, I saw something- a feeling- I never thought would be directed at me - desperation. No matter how he made me feel before - annoyed, flustered, embarrassed- it didn't matter now, because I felt the similar feeling of desperation push me into him and against his lips.

He held my cheek like it was his last kiss on earth, his hand moving from my hand to my neck, and he held me in a way that made me feel the most precious jewel. His lips were devastatingly careful against mine, contrasting the lustful desperation from last night. This was different, so different. My hand tangled in his hair and gripped his shirt as he kept his slow pace, only fully away when our faces were both breathless and red. I looked down, embarrassed about how red I must have looked, but I could feel is eyes on me still. I warm silence enveloped us as he took his hand in mine, guiding me to stand up. He led me through his huge house- the house I was too dazed to even take in as we reached the front door. He stepped outside with me, hand still in mine as he reached his hand for my cheek once more.

He opened his mouth, looking to say more, but there was nothing. Finally, he grimaced, let go of be completely and went back inside, slamming the door behind him, leaving me outside in an unknown neighbourhood.

Only when the door closed did I regain consciousness and realise-

"What just happened?"

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Good lord school somehow got 10x more busy after chp 2 was published. Anyways I had 'chemtrails over the country side' on REPEAT while writing this. Also re-listened to Superache again before found heaven comes out tomorow and it's just as good at ripping my heart out as before :D Anyways next update do not wait for cause I can't even guarantee it will come out in a month like this one did. We'll see how school treats me