How to Hack a Wedding ft. Lucifer (ONC 2024)

3. deal & date

"You," I eyed Lucifer unbelievingly, "Need me to be your date?"

He raised an eyebrow, as if he couldn't see anything preposterous about his statement, and I scoffed.

"Why do you even need to enter a bargain for that? I mean," I looked around as if we were on a prank show and the camera crew was about to jump out any second, "You could clearly get anyone you want with those looks. Someone way better looking than I do!"

I stopped at that and scratched the top of my head.

Where was this self-degradation coming from?

He simply nodded along to my words, making me angrier with each passing minute.

This was his opening to say something around the lines of 'oh, but you look beautiful' or 'you're the only one I see' being the charming devil he was known to be, but he didn't say any of it.

Instead he said, "Well, it's just more convenient. It's a date to an ex-girlfriend's wedding, and she has very politely asked me to bring someone along who isn't a threat, you know."

My fists clenched and I spoke through my tight jaw, "And I am the most non-threatening person you found?"

"Darling, I absolutely love pissing Lilith off," he ran a finger across my cheek and tugged a strand of hair behind my ear, "I'm doing the exact opposite of what she wants me to."

"So, I am threatening?" I asked, trying my best to ignore the flight those damned butterflies took in my stomach.

He grinned, as if entirely aware of the effect his actions had on my body, "You are human, sweetheart. That is threatening enough for her."

I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to be pitted against another woman. (specially not the very first woman ever created, if legend was to be believed) However, my brain kept replaying Lucifer's words.

I was convenient. I was the closest option at the moment. And I was a threat because I was a human woman- one of the billions currently inhabiting the planet.

A part of me felt angry that I wasn't chosen for something a little more romantic and dramatic. The rest of my brain, however, rejoiced at the fact that I wouldn't have to give away my firstborn child in exchange of attending a family function with the devil himself.

"When is her wedding?" I asked.

He gave me a devastating smile, assuming that I had agreed to his terms.

In all fairness, I wasn't going to deny them, anyway, so his assumptions were as accurate as they could be. I wasn't going to get a better deal anywhere else.

"It's in two weeks-"

"Two weeks! That's like almost here!"

"-and I shall be by your side through it all, so you do not need to worry about the other demons."

I hadn't even considered the potential threat of going to a demonic wedding. I would definitely stand out as the only human in attendance.

No wonder Lilith didn't want a human at her wedding. It was the one time that the spotlight should entirely be on her, and the feeling that I would be responsible of turning her special day into one she did not want didn't sit very well with me.

"I don't want to ruin her wedding," I said at last, not meeting Lucifer's eyes.

All I could think about was Paris, and how excited she had been about being a bride. If someone tried to ruin that for her, I would ensure a one-way trip to hell (and now, I knew for a fact that it did exist) for myself with the actions I would take against them.