How to Hack a Wedding ft. Lucifer (ONC 2024)

5. nerves & kisses

It's safe to say that if my brain was a computer, it would have glitched right now.

I stuttered out a bout of incoherent mumbling before finally hitting myself on the cheek. It didn't even matter what Lucifer thought when he looked at me loosing my marbles, because clearly, he already had.

"What part of 'physical contact only when necessary' did you not understand, darling?" I half-yelled, pointing with exaggerated gestures at the very first rule on the list he had just signed.

He smirked watching me use the nickname he had been throwing around at me, but there was no amusement in my tone.

That rule was necessary to maintain a decorum, and keep things professional. After all, it was a bargain on both our ends.

"Oh, but it is a necessity of the moment, sweetheart." The genuine mirth in his eyes let me know exactly how much fun he was having, toying around the loophole he had found in my rules. "It's either this, or ripping open our arms and dripping the blood on to the sheet of paper. I assumed you had had enough of dripping blood for one day."

I glared back, seething with indignation. There was absolutely no way that celestial beings could only seal contracts by either ripping apart their skin or making out with each other (talk about swinging in extremes), but once again, I had no concrete proof about what was true and what was not.

"You're certain there isn't a third option that you're just conveniently forgetting?"

He grinned, and my eyes dropped to his lips. I had managed to not look at his lips this entire time, a small victory I had congratulated myself for (very prematurely, might I add), but all that this conversation about kissing him had done, was chip away at my resolve by forcing me to face the facts that I had been determined to shove under the rug, just like the summoning pentagram.

His smile grew wider when he noticed my source of distraction and I sighed to myself.

This contract was going to be so much of work.

"I cannot remember any other way for now, unfortunately," He replied to my previous question, which I had already forgotten about, "We can wait on sealing your makeshift deal until I can come up with another way if you're feeling this uncomfortable, darling."

I knew what he was trying to do, of course. He was free to openly pursue me and corrupt my innocent soul (even I laughed at myself at that one, in all fairness) without signing the contract.

I wondered what my sisters or my aunt would say if they ever found out that I had been involved in a situation like this.

That reminds me...

"We need to add another point," I interjected.

His eyes narrowed at my very obvious attempt to change the topic, but he stayed silent, letting me continue.

"No-one can ever find out that this was only a one-time deal, and nothing else. We will let my family assume that you are one of my boyfriends, okay?"

He ran his fingers through his hair, "Obviously. And the same goes for Lilith so, you don't need to add that in the contract when it's a given."

That hand and those veins!

SHUT THE FUCK UP, SYDNEY! Woman up!

Woman-ing up was definitely the reason I was thinking these thoughts, and so, I decided to start thinking about cabbages and squashes, instead.

Lucifer did not let it slide easily.

"It won't be long," he said, trying to coerce me, "I won't do anything you don't like, and we can seal the deal."