13- The hospital

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It isn't until Mid October when we have our next home game. There's a slight chill in the air but it's finally dried up compared to the heavy downpour from the rest of the week. I get a lift with Janis, Cady and Damian, who all wish me luck before we part our separate ways.

It's near the end of the game when it happens. My mind, caught up in a cycle of thoughts, is too occupied to realise before it's too late. We're 3-1 up with fifteen minutes to go when a midfielder from the opposite team is running full speed in my direction. I sidestep, attempt to dribble past her when she's already committed to the tackle.

It's an illegal tackle at best. She completely misses the ball as I'm quick to judge and pass it on before her studs come into contact with my claves. And then before I know it, my feet are wiped out from beneath me.

Pain floods through me, clouding all other previous wandering thoughts. I land in a weird position. It happens so quickly I don't even process what's happening until a blazing white pain shoots through my ankle. Shit.

I bite back tears threatening to spill out, and stubbornly clamber to my feet. I wobble, but Kate's there, having ran from her goal posts to the middle of the pitch. "Shit, are you okay?"

I grit my teeth, force a smile and nod. "I'm fine," I murmur, trying to convince myself more than her. She pats my back but doesn't let go.

"You don't seem fine," she's frowning now and it causes bile to rise in my throat.

"I'm okay, promise," I muster up a more realistic smile this time, brushing off Kate's extreme concerned look as the referee ushers her back to her goal as we resume play, the player receiving a yellow card and Cassie taking the free kick for me.

It is mostly okay, until about five minutes later. We're on the defence, grasping onto the lead with ten minutes to go. I'm tracking their midfielder who's emerging to the edge of our box. The noise around me fades away to static as she pulls her foot back to take a shot. But before she can hit the ball, I slide across the grass and scoop it out from under her feet, watch it glide over the white line and out for a throw, and realise I'm on the turf again. In extreme agony this time.

It comes in waves. The anticipation, the relief, and then the pain. So much pain. Unlike the first time, I can't move. My ankle is burning, my eyes are welling up as uncontrollable sobs wrack my body. Curled up pathetically on the damp grass, clutching my ankle.

I don't hear much, any awareness of my surroundings are dulled to a muted silence, staring into the back of my eyelids as I will the pain to go away.

Kate's frantic calls of my name has my heart wavering. Her voice appears closer with each passing second. Then she's by my side, a shaking ungloved hand running over my hair as she murmurs, "you're okay," repetitively, and I become aware of how shaken up and worried she sounds.

The medics arrive soon after, checking on me and stretchering me off to the sidelines. I block out the noise of the crowd but don't have it in me to focus my thoughts elsewhere than the throbbing ache in my ankle.

Back in the locker room, I'm met with a very upset Cady and a concerned Janis and Damian. One of the medics prevent them from speaking to me, murmuring about medication and some other things I don't pay attention to. I'm placed on some sort of table, drugged up with some pain medication and water that I feel kick in immediately, and wince when an ice cold temperature is pressed against my aflame skin.

Several minutes later, once I regain a small sense of self awareness, I meet watery blue eyes and offer her a thumbs up, overhearing Janis murmuring to Cady to 'pull herself together'. 

Then I'm being transported to hospital by the ambulance they're required to have nearby at every match. The three are thankfully allowed to ride with me, but refrain from asking me any questions for the entire journey. From the pitch to the locker room to the hospital, I'm spaced out. The only thing keeping me sane being the ice and the medicine running through my blood.

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