Gay Panic - Heartstopper AU

18. Bloom

T/W: mentions of depression and suicide

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Six friends huddled together in the café on a bustling Thursday evening. Between sips of iced lavender oat milk latte, the group went over the plan for their missing member. Romantic French music and the scent of espresso hung over their table, as did the weight of fall term starting next week.

"Great work, Tao," said Tara.

"I know."

"You really outdid yourself," said Darcy.

"I know."

Elle playfully elbowed Tao in the side. "The ego on this one."

"Fine, if anyone else's due some credit, it's Nick here for greenlighting it."

"Green... lighting?" Nick asked.

"It's a film thing," Tao fake scoffed. "You wouldn't get it."

He earned himself another elbow from Elle.

Those two were being more cheeky lately, Nick noticed. They hadn't announced anything about a relationship, but he wondered if something more had developed between them over the summer break.

Nick got that sort of intel from Charlie, the unspoken glue that held the squad together. With him offline the past two weeks, the rest hadn't hung out as a group until today.

"I guess now all we need to plan for is..." Elle trailed off.

"Charlie, yeah," Nick sighed. "Right."

Under the table, he unlocked his phone and scrolled through his texts until his thumb was over Charlie's last message to him.

A simple 'can't wait to see you' and a heart. Something so playful in the moment that now felt unsettling. Every time he read it, the warmth drained from his face.

"You're not worried he'll say no, are you?" asked Isaac.

"We haven't talked for two weeks now. I don't even know if we're still boyfriends. Honestly, I wouldn't blame him if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore."

"He asked for space and that's what you gave him," Isaac insisted.

"Yeah, we've all been doing the same," added Elle.

"But why do I still feel awful about it?"

Tao sighed. "Listen, Nick. None of us were exactly there for him when he was depressed last month. Stop beating yourself up over what happened. By now you should know Charlie's never been the most vocal when he's struggling with his mental health."

He was right. It was the honesty Nick needed to shut down this pity party he was throwing for himself.

"Besides, he has Tori," Tao added. "He's in good hands."

Nick nodded in agreement. He just wished those hands would've reached out to him, even if through a single text.

"Did she ever give you any updates?" asked Darcy.

"Not since we talked on the phone that night."

"You think she's ignoring you?"

"I don't know."

Tori was hard to read, but her protectiveness over her brother was clear. Nick wanted to text her about a hundred questions those first few days, but he held off and learned to live with the silence. His anxiety began to ease after the first week, thanks in part to his first therapy session and the distractions of prepping for rugby season.