THE PICTURE OF YOU -rafe cameron-

070; day four continuation

Three o'clock in the afternoon. It was a sunny Wednesday afternoon, just like the typical summer days out on Kildare island. The sun shone this bright almost every single day, except from whenever a storm would roll in. This day wasn't any different. However, this day felt like the longest day ever, Rafe thought as he rolled around in his bed slowly waking up. He had only been awake for a matter of minutes, but he already wanted to go back to sleep. He craved it, all to numb how he was feeling. He wanted nothing more then for this day to just pass.

A displeased groan left Rafe's lips as he moved around in his king size bed, the covers laid sloppily across his body. He rubbed the sleep out of his sore blue eyes as the light of the day poured into his large room. He had gone to bed late last night without pulling the blinds down, being completely drained from the day that he had lived through. The drugs, the alcohol and the argument. It had been completely dark as he had tucked himself in and thus fore just fine, but now the light of the summer sun was blinding him, making him long for the darkness yet again.

Rafe felt like shit, complete and utter shit to be exact. It lingered, both mentally and physically. His whole body ached, his back felt stiff and his shoulders cracked as he stretched his arms out above his head. Rafe laid still in his bed, feeling too dizzy to move. He stared up at his tall ceiling, letting the minutes pass him by. He stared at the expensive chandelier that hung above his bed, watching as each crystal reflected the sunlight. It was an old lamp, having been there since his family bought the house. The mere image of it was spinning around, no matter how hard Rafe tried to focus on it with his gaze. His dizziness was getting worse. Rafe had a bad taste in his mouth and a burning sensation in the back of his throat. His head pounded like crazy and he felt rather nauseous. The anxiety that was rushing through his veins didn't make anything easier to deal with either. His mind was a mess, hungover in the worst way just like his body. Thought after thought kept on coming, making his heart beat uncomfortably hard inside of his tired chest. Every breath felt excruciatingly hard to draw in and release, like he was cursed.

Memories of last night slowly came back to him, making his guilt rack up. Second after second, memory after memory. Rafe's hands felt cold against the covers of his bed, although the air in the room was hot and humid, almost sticky on his lips. He didn't remember everything, mostly the way he had been feeling and how Myra had looked at him like he was the devil. The disappointed look in her blue eyes, it hurt him. Rafe remembered the usual anger, the kind that he couldn't control. It would overtake him before he could even have a chance to stop it, for it was just too powerful. Rafe was neither scared or uncomfortable with his own anger, but it was one of the things that made him crave control even more. When it would hit he would totally lose himself. In some ways it made him feel weak, in other ways it made him feel powerful. It had been like that for as long as he could remember.

Rafe groaned again, a little louder this time, as he remember the ugly words that he had let slip from his mouth. He had let his intrusive thoughts win. He tried so hard all the time to push all those conflicting feelings away, the parts of him that felt things that he couldn't explain or make sense of. The way he couldn't stop thinking about her, he tried to ignore it. The way her smile made his heart skip a beat in an instant, he tried to pretend like it didn't happen. The way he couldn't help but to laugh when she did, he tried to shrug it off. The way his whole body would tingle as she brushed her fingertips along his skin, he pretended like it wasn't real. He was afraid to face the truth. The way he could feel his whole body ache for her whenever she wasn't around. It was getting physically painful, like a gaping wound that couldn't begin to heal until she was in his arms. Rafe refunded to let himself admit to it. He could feel himself slowly getting lost in it. He could feel himself slowly getting more and more addicted to Myra, like cocaine, he was becoming obsessed.