Hmmm... I say not wanting to get up for the morning as I ignore my phone alarm for the third time already
KATHERINE!!! My mom yells
What?....I sit up rubbing my eyes holding my blanket over me
GET THE F*** UP NOW she stomps out my room.
I get up and find a random shirt in my closet *it was a small shirt* I put it in a get rid of pile in a corner of my room I grab a short that fits and I put it on and I grab a pair of sweatpants off the floor.
I wake my dog up and put him on his chain that he's supposed to be on outside. I walk back inside the house and put my phone in my backpack with my earbud case and the phone charger. I put my shoes on and grab my bag and get into the car outside.
My mom gets in the car and starts it waiting for Elizabeth my younger sister. *hmm what if I... Nah nvm I shouldn't.. * I thought to myself as Elizabeth gets in the car. I stay silent and look out the window and listen to my music through the earbuds.
I start thinking about car accidents and what if we were to get into one a smirk landed on my face bit went away right as it appeared. I then imagined what if I were to kill everyone I knew... I didn't tell my mom what I was thinking she would be mad sometimes I wanna twist her head off like a bottle cap it would be fun mabe she would finally shut the hell up... I shouldn't think those things I thought.
I stabbed myself with my sharpest pencil to stop myself from thinking those thoughts but it didn't help I just thought of more... We arrived at school and I got out the car not saying anything and my mom said *like always be the selfish brat you are* as I closed the door my little sister pushed me and then bit me pretty hard and she walked off to class in the weirdest outfit ever..
I walked up to the lodge for pledge and sat in a corner while my friends talked shit about me I imagined their guts flying all over the place if they exploded and their blood dripping all over them.
I didn't want anyone to talk to me or touch me that day but then someone came over and kicked me and called me a fucking emo.
Ofc me being me I smiled at them and brushed it off but I really wanted to kick them and take a pencil and stab them so fucking hard it hurts for than to breath. I didn't say that though because people would them take pity on me.. Why they would take pity on me? Idfk because they think I'm the way I am is because I am weird as fuck idc if I'm weird ok.. That's lying I do care but I won't say that.. Ok back on topic after pledge and prayer we go to classes and I have chemisty for first class I throw up on the way.
Oh yeah I didn't tell you. Sorry I throw up all the time it's not on purpose... Usually. I've always thrown up after I eat even when I was a baby my mom had to put me on a special baby food that I wouldn't throw up as much as the others.. In other words I can't keep food down very well.
In chemistry I space out and start imagining everyone in the room exploding and being stabbed, and or their guts being ripped out.. I came back down to earth when the teacher placed my paper down in front of me and I finished the paper first and put it in the basket like usual I sit back down and space back out I them remembered I forgot breakfast I started thinking about food then about eating people I reached into my bag and grabbed sour patch Kids and started eating them I don't really like the blue ones so I threw them in a ceiling crack when the teacher wasn't watching.
After chemistry I walked to Ela and I hate that teacher she talked for an hour straight abt shit we learned last Wednesday I space out for that hour then we write for 15 minutes abt shit I forgot tbh.. Then we go over to the couches she has to do "talk time" 🙄
Btw the school is a k-12 private school in Arizona with abt 90 kids in total my classes usually have less then 10 kids in them.
I was fidling while listening to people talk. She calls on me since I was fiddling *Katherine since you look like your ignoring us what did she just say* I was telling her what the other student said and then the teacher cut me off and said *since you don't know what she said I'll call on someone else and hand me what your fiddling with* she ripped my hands apart and took my little ball out my hand and threw it away..
She called on someone else and they said exactly what I just said and the teacher said thank you for telling us "students name"
All I want to do right now is kill her. Rip her nails off with plyers stab her eyes with penciles and use an axe to kill her and chop her into pieces. I thought..
At the end of class everyone lines up and I walk over to the trash can to grab my marble but the teacher stopped me and told me to leave it or she will call my parents.
So I leave it be and line up as well we line up and we tell the teacher what we learned in her class today I told her that I learned that she thinks everything I touch is trash she told me to go to the back of the line my friends go and they walk off not waiting for me. it gets back to me and the teacher holds my back and I hate being touched it brings up memories I don't want. I thought of them and I can't step away because she will call my parents so I froze in place she starts talking but my ears start ringing really bad and all I can hear is ringing she then walks off and I walk to the other room which is the kitchen I sit in a corner where I sat that morning and stayed there throughout lunch then we go home I get in the car and stay silent my mom starts talking but I didn't listen she slapped me for not listening and I looked at her with my resting face (I got a resting bitch face) my mom tells me "you know I don't know where I went wrong with you and she continued driving.
I stared put the window and thought to myself but all I could think of is crying but my body won't let me cry anymore I turned my emotions off years ago and now it's just fake emotions the only person I can show my true emotions to is my best friend (I won't say her name) . We get home and I go into my room I forgot about eating today which reminded me of something a old teacher at the school told me. *you don't deserve to eat food because your too picky and throw it up anyways* she never gave lunch to me and it hurt me to know that people thought that way of me...
Oh I have scouts great... I hate scouts (I have boy Scouts) (yes I a girl so what they started letting girls in)
Ok that is Monday this all happened today( today is a monday) so everyday this week I will write it down and write it in here I'll happily take questions
