bittersweet green apples, rejection, and the mediocre life of a human

Chapter 1

I didn't deserve this. His outstretched hand in mine felt just right, and a fleeting handshake wasn't the infinity I wanted it to be; I never wanted to let go. I wanted to do so much more than never let him go, I wanted to show him, somehow, how deeply he had changed me, and I wanted to hold him until the world stopped turning. Cracking my lids to a bleary, vermillion background and my handsome mate's blurry face made me wipe my eyes, heat curling in my throat with the need to see his face clearly. Finally, with a deep swallow, I managed to answer him with the lines I'd rehearsed since I was a pup. "Nice to meet you, too. I would like to declare myself, Kyle Summers, future Alpha of the Summers pack, as your true soulmate."

Licking my lips, I paused, and noticed the expression of familiarity on his face. I wondered if he knew what the Wolfsblossom meant, too. Brushing aside my thoughts, I steadied against the booth to finish the courting desire ritual. "I would be honored if you would allow me to court you until the next full moon, fourteen nights from tonight. You may then make your decision to go ahead with or decline the mating process. You have no obligation to accept, and must make this choice of your own free will."

He cracked a sly smile and quipped, "I'm here, aren't I? Yes, I'll let you court me."

Finally, I managed to crack a smile for what felt like the first time that evening and my shoulders fell a little bit, just a small weight lifted for the time being. I wiped at the shallow, salty puddles left on the table, and glanced up at the bar to a shocking absence. Frank had ushered everyone out during my breakdown, I presumed. I decided to be thankful for small mercies - even if my apology would make headlines, the ensuing full blown mental breakdown would remain private. Finally, the wave of reassurance flooding my mind faded enough for me to concoct a response, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm gonna make sure you don't regret it."

His smile grew slightly, widening like the clearing of the maelstrom raging in my mind had affected him, too. "What did you have in mind? Tell me about our next date."

The happiness from his smile flowing through me like a warm dawn, my confidence soared, and my mind danced playfully. "I'd like to take you out again tomorrow evening, but I don't know where; I need to get to know you a little first."

"Well, I'm right here," he smirked back at me. Unfortunately, that would have to wait - Frank had noticed that our table had cooled down a little and decided to bring the food he'd chosen for us. I made a mental note to get Frank something extra nice for Christmas this year; the saint hadn't even bothered us with appetizers let alone a proper order.

"For our growing wolf, the Grilled Lamb Chops, very rare" he teased, and set the plate down in front of me. Suddenly, the hunger my emotions had masked hit me, and I nearly groaned out loud thinking about the damage I'd done by working out for half of the day and not eating at least a million grams of protein afterwards. "Uncle Vinnie's Lemon Chicken, for the table, as well as our Ravioli and Penne Vodka. Just in case your mate likes to make healthier choices than you, I brought the Kale and Squash Salad, too." Frank grinned, wickedly pleased with himself, and stepped back. "Enjoy your meal, and Kyle, do try to behave yourself, or I'll tell your mom. I already billed you too, so don't worry about that either."

"Frank, if you didn't charge us again, I'm going to put the money in your Christmas card," I called after him as he quickly exited the dining room. A small giggle escaped Joshua, and my head snapped to attention at the sound. His laugh wasn't a graceful sound, the kind that belongs behind french nails at fancy dinners. His laugh was a real, loud, and happy sound, the kind that makes everyone turn their heads and wonder what he's laughing about. Too quickly, he snapped his jaw shut and mumbled an apology.

"Sorry about my laugh. I know," he began, but coils of rage heated behind my eyes and I cut him off with a growl.

"I love it, and anyone who doesn't can fuck off." I felt a rage bubble beneath my chest when I thought about why he might have had that reaction to his own laugh.

"Dude, it's totally fine, I know my laugh is ugly, you don't have to pretend-," he started, but was cut off by my chest raging into a deeper growl. I needed to hear him laugh again, the thought of never hearing his laugh again made me want to tear someone's throat out. I felt fiery sparks between my teeth as my fangs elongated, and I realized what was happening. If I didn't get ahold of myself, I was about to wolf out in the middle of Rao's, and Josh would freak the fuck out and wouldn't want to see me again tomorrow. Slowly, I calmed down, thinking happy thoughts about his smile only moments ago.

Josh's face widened from insecurity into joy and my heart felt a little jittery for a split second. "You actually like it? I- I'm glad. I like to laugh -- laughter is like a little microdose of glee."

"I love it." I paused just to smile at him and let him know how much I meant it, and then continued, "I also love to eat, so I think we should start before it gets cold and Frank whines about not properly appreciating the art of his kitchen or something." My attempt at humor was rewarded with a small chuckle, and I reached for my silverware without moving my eyes from his joy. "You probably won't like the lamb much, humans aren't fond of meat this rare, but you should definitely try everything else - if you have a thing for rare meat that's cool too, I don't mind sharing with guys as cute as you," I winked, hoping for another chuckle, but he just turned his head to look away.

"I dunno... I'm a vegetarian actually," he squirmed without moving, eyes shifting around the old-timey room, unable to meet mine. I had such a hard time understanding what I'd done wrong, but it drilled a hole through my chest anyway.

"Hey, don't worry, I'm hungry enough for both the lamb and the chicken," I smiled at him, trying to get my vibes of positivity to resonate with him. Thinking deeply, I pondered what could possibly have upset him, and suddenly the ideas aligned and I solved the puzzle. I'd called him cute, and...

My mate was just as insecure as I was.