MERCENARY 3: Descent into Madness |BTS JIMIN FF|

8

Days were going by and nothing was changing. The only change is that I've become more numb. To everything. 

I can't sleep. I'm back to how I used to be. I tried sleeping in our bed, but her scent lingered on the sheets which I refuse to change, and then I couldn't stay there any longer, so I sat by her grave, talking to her until the morning. And that happened every night. 

They keep finding me asleep outside, and at this point, they've given up. They just wake me up without a complaint. Like today.

Jin woke me up, and simply left me there without trying to pull me inside. I spent another hour sitting on the ground, gathering enough strength to get up and go in.

'If you're gonna sleep out there so stubbornly, at least dress better. Or get a sleeping bag. You'll freeze.' Namjoon scolded me the moment I walked inside, which I ignored

'Come on. Eat.' Jin, like every damn day, forcefully put food on my plate, trying to make me stay alive

Nodding in response, I took the chopsticks in my hand, only to realize that I can't even hold them properly. My hands are shaking for no damn reason. I can't even squeeze them together. I tried and tried, and completely given up on them, throwing them on the table away from myself. Not like I was going to use them anyway.

'Jimin. I know I keep saying this, but seriously, you need to eat. You're becoming weaker by the day. And it's not a joking matter.' This time, Namjoon's words were not sympathetic like they were so far. He was serious and almost commanding me

'I want to. I just can't. I eat and I throw it up. I tried, alright?' 

He sighed, placing his hands on the table calmly. 'Then try and try again until it holds. Don't make me have to tie you down and force feed you, because I will, even if I really don't want to.'

I looked at him with one thought in my mind, I'd like to see you try. But then I realized that one slap from him right now would most likely kill me. I've lost weight to the point that I could wear her clothes. I look like I've been battling leukemia. Whatever muscles I had, they're gone. Mostly. The outlines are there, but that is purely because I'm a guy. 

'You said you would stay alive to pay everything they did to her back. Do you still plan on doing that?'

'Yes.'

'Then you need to start eating. You need to gain back your weight and your strength. You won't be able to do shit if you're built like a stickman. Now is the time to be the strongest you've ever been. So eat.'

Figuring he is mostly right, I reached for the fork and used that instead. 

Just the smell of food makes me sick. But for her. I'll do it for her.

I took one bite of whatever it was that Jin put in front of me, and instantly felt like it's about to come out the way it came in, so I clasped my mouth closed and stopped chewing. I closed my eyes and took a few small breaths, focusing on keeping it in. Baby steps.

Slowly going through it, I ate a bit more, just until I could feel it coming back up, and then I stopped. It's already more than I've eated in a week, so I'll count it as a victory. Unless I throw it up.

I also felt like a small child being watched over by two parents, with Namjoon and Jin watching every bite I take. Miserable.

'Nauseuous?' Jin asks after I stopped eating, and I just nodded in response. 'That's okay. You ate something. One day at a time. It will get better.' He smiles

'Hey.' Jungkook came up to the table, this time walking on crutches. He pulled out the chair and sat down, leaving the crutches on the floor next to him