CHAINED TO AN UNCHOSEN FAITH

CHAPTER 25

CHAINED TO AN UNCHOSEN FAITH

Krizzybabes

MATAPOS nang mag kakasunod na flight ay umuwi na rin ako sa bahay sawakas wearing a very bright smile and a good mood but my smile instantly fades out after entering our house seeing my older sister sitting on my husband's lap while cuddling kaya napaiwas tingin ako. My older brother is also there, sitting on a single couch wearing headphones on his ears while holding a folder with a SCRIPT written on it.

"Oh, you're here now." I looked back again on where  Abcdef and Dianna were sitting and a forced smile instantly facades on my face. Naagaw rin ng presensya ko ang atensyon ni kuya kaya nabaling sakin ang paningin nya mula sa binabasa nyang folder kanina.

I nodded to him as response then I entered the living room while dragging my suitcase. The sound of my heels lingers inside the silent room as I walk towards the kitchen at napasunod naman ng tingin sakin ang tatlo habang nag lalakad ako patungong kusina. I'm still wearing my uniform dahil hindi na rin kasi ako nakapunta sa apartment ni Clay Art para mag bihis pa bago tuluyang umuwi rito dahil sa pagod.

Agad akong dumeretso sa fridge at kumuha ng malalig na tubig upang makainom dahil ramdam ko ang panunuyo ng aking lalamunan. There it goes once again,  parang tinusok na naman ang dibdib ko ng kutsilyo dahil sa pagkirot but I instantly disregard it. Wala na rin namang saysay kung masaktan pa ako, I wanna feel phlegm with all of this,  and this is it! I'm certain now, and I'll end all of this. I just needed to talk to him once my siblings had left. 

Dinaanan ko lang sila at agad nang umakyat sa hagdan papunta sa itaas leaving my suitcase behind. Siguro ay mamaya ko nalang 'yun kukunin kapag nakaalis na yung mga kapatid ko. Sa ngayon ay matutulog nalang muna ako. I entered my room and then lay on my bed without taking a shower or changing my clothes. I don't know, I just feel so exhausted kahit na hindi naman talaga ganito yung pakiramdam ko pagkauwi ko kanina. In fact, naisip ko pa nga'ng mag luto sana bago mag pahinga pero dahil lang sa nasaksihan ko ay nauwi lahat sa wala.

I heave a deep breath once again to shove the heavy feeling inside my chest and instead of being dramatic, I close my eyes to rest.

I'm tired of this, acting strong in front of everyone with a facade vibrant smile on my face while facing them, tired of acting like I don't care at all and I'm not affected by all the things they do but in fact, I'm wounded.  Silently suffering and crying inside the four corners of my room. Expunging the thickness of the mask I wear in front of them. Because at the end of the day, I'll still go back to the real me, the weakest Demirine Tatiana that nobody could see.

Before oblivion could even take my sanity, I felt the warm liquid pouring out my eyes even tho my eyes were closed until I was droned into a deep sleep.

I woke up feeling my muscles sore all over my body and a tummy growling because of hunger. I looked at my phone for the time and saw that it was already 10:30 PM. No wonder I was hungry since I hadn't eaten yet since lunchtime so I left the soft mattress to stand up and stretch before I went downstairs to eat. 

Makapatay na yung mga ilaw sa hallway pagkalabas ko kaya flashlight nalang ng cellphone ang ginamit ko pang ilaw at ang ilaw lang ng kusina ang binuksan ng makapasok ako roon. Walang ulam at sinaing nang buksan ko ang rice cooker at mga kaldero kaya napabuntong hininga na lamang ako at nag lakad patungong fridge kahit tinatamad talaga ako. siguro ay, sa labas sila kumain or nag order kaya hindi nag luto.

"You're awake. Why? Feeling hungry?". Napabaling ako ng tingin malapit sa pinto ng aming kusina ng marinig ko ang boses na yun and I saw him, Abcdef leaning at the wall crossing his arms on his chest so I showed him a small smile.