With Him I'm Okay

-3-Do I know Nate?

"Roselyn is her name" said Nate, when I asked about the lady, after her dismissal.

"From?"

"Oh Christine. You worry a lot," he rubbed my shoulders, "she's just a fellow artist who is inviting me to an exhibition"

"S-So, why are you sweating?" I raised a brow

"The lights were out. It just came"

"Why wasn't she in shoes" I asked

"Babe, you want her to wear heels all day?" he laughed

"Okay, why was her hair messy"

"I don't even know"

" And why did her..."

"Ei Christine! Christine the CIA agent" he teased.

"I'm not kidding, I heard..."

"You heard what? Ei! Oh c'mon, you're better than this" he rolled his eyes.

"Okay so what was..."

"What was what? Oh so you don't trust me" he put on a long face.

"I do," I said, "you know what, forget about it"

At this juncture, I had to let sleeping dogs lie since one thing I hated were arguments. I am very sentimental this any causative of misunderstanding must be prevented. Although I still thirst for more information pertaining to this Roselyn, Nate's satisfaction was to come prior to mine.
It's been two weeks and I've been declining the calls of my parents, as well as Auntie's. Not to be disrespectful but, I was tensed and too shameful to answer. I had lied to Auntie - which I wish I hadn't, and I wouldn't know how to answer any question she would ask. Auntie let her word and continuously sent me the income via mobile money. I would always send "Thank you" through SMS but avoid any further messages.
Nate would leave home exact 9am and arrive 11pm, to have his way with me, no matter how many times I complained of fatigue. Sometimes I would pent up my emotions and remember a verse, Colossians 3:18

"Wives, submit yourself to your husbands, for that is what you should do as a Christian"

The continuing verse was the opposite but other days, he would act as blind as a bat. Maybe it was his mood swings.
The month that followed was more of like a nightmare.

"I'm pregnant Nate," I shouted when I got home from the hospital.

"Huh?" He jumped out of the couch, in the living room.

"I'm pregnant" I smiled

"A-And you're happy? You're happy about it? A-And who's the father?" He frowned.

I wasn't standing very close, but I could hear him breathe heavily as though his heart was racing. His eyes were red and he wouldn't stop pacing.

"How could you get pregnant!" He yelled, "Are you insane?"

"What do you mean by that?" I cried, " Shouldn't you be happy?"

"Happy? Happy about what? Tsw. This isn't a good time."

"So all those nights you pounced on me like a wild dog, what were you expecting?"

" Watch your words miss" he stretched a finger

"But I don't understand you"

"How will you understand?" He punched the wall, " You have no brain to understand why this is a mistake. You don't even rationalize".

At that moment in time, I took a few steps back as the uttered words loudly repeated in my head.

' This isn't my child. It isn't ' he said and walked out of the living room.

There I was, heartbroken on the floor, crying my eyes out. Nate had made a fool out of me. He has used me like a donkey and wants me no more. He said I had no brain, he called me insane. Is this love?
I had sleepless nights that day since I had no hint of where Nate was. I phoned him countless times but to no avail. I knew none of his friends so I had no one to call. I cried and cried till my pillow was soaked.
Bang! I heard the front door close.

"Nate" I said, and was about to go meet him when I recalled how furious he acted. Then I resumed to trying to sleep.

From behind, I could hear him open the bedroom door and slouch to the bed. I could feel his gaze set one and my heart raced, praying he does no harm to me.
With my eyes closed, i felt the side of the bed lower and a heavy sigh came from behind.

"Christine," he said softly," I know you're not asleep, I just want you to know I'm sorry for earlier. I didn't answer your calls because I was filled with unmeasurable shame and guilt. Find a place in your heart and forgive me. I love you and our unborn child."

I broke down into uncontrollable tears and he pegged me from behind. I felt at peace now. I was okay now I knew he was fine and felt remorse.
The next day, Nate left home earlier than usual and skipped breakfast.

"I have an appointment" he said and pegged me.

I felt this discomfort, but maybe I was overthinking.
11pm, and Nate hadn't returned. He hadn't called as well and he was answering my calls.

"Oh God, our help in ages past, our hope for years to come," I prayed, "please, guide and protect my..."

I heard the door slam.

"Nate" I rushed to him. He was drunk.

"Nate you're drunk" I gaped.

"And is that new?" He chuckled

"Oh so it's a norm?"

"Ma'am move out of my way" he pushed me away and headed for the bedroom.

Once again, a sentimental lady was found shedding tears in the living room, with no one to tell her problems to.

Psalm 26:7 " Hear me Lord, when I call to you! Be merciful and answer me!"

I read from the Bible before spending the night in the couch since Nate had locked the door to the bedroom. I had overheard him expressing love to a lady over the phone and I cursed the day I met him.
Exactly 21 days after that, I was singing my heart out as I did the laundry and I heard a knock at the door.

"Coming..." I took careful steps to the door

"Mercedes!" I yelled, and we embraced each other.

"Come in, come in" I smiled

I was expecting a visit from her but not that Saturday morning. She took a seat on the couch and I joined her.

"Wow, you look amazing," I admired

"Thank you baby girl, and you look..."she paused and bit her lower lip.

"Hm..." I lowered my head.

"Ei Christine, so all you said over the phone is genuine? This is who Christine Asare, the shark, had become? A miserable housewife?