Cracked Surface (That You Don't Seem To Notice)

I Tell Myself I've Moved On

I tell myself I've moved on.

Trying to turn away from you and make everything fair.

Trying to remind myself that I'm independent.

Trying to make it seem like I don't care.

Skipping through your stories and end up coming back to analyze every detail.

Listen to songs and hate myself for being reminded of you through every damn lyric.

It's not fair.

Everytime I eat a single meal I'm reminded of those pictures you would send me.

How great the food was and how I would dream to become rich.

Just to buy you more.

I look out the window during late-night drives and I'm reminded of you through the stars and the moon.

I read every novel I get my hands on as I only see you through those fantasies.

Of us.

I tried so hard to remove every memory with a tap of a finger yet I still have all those pictures.

I still read through our old messages and I think.

I think about it a lot.

Whether you really felt genuine love for this mess or if you wanted to flee.

Whether those sweet nothings coming out of your mouth were really meant for me.

Whether those smile lines you gave me were real or not but oh I would run through miles to see that.

Again.

I tell myself I've moved on but I still see you through the hallways we walk past each other as if our memories had faded.

I see you from across the canteen zooming past to get your meal.

I see you at the bus stop while using your phone the same one I've wished would've been filled with pictures of us.

I see you walking with your friends laughing the same way you used to laugh with me.

From these past few months, I told myself I've moved on but maybe it was better if I held on to those memories.

It was never your fault and never in a million years would it be yours.

You chose your happiness.

I'll choose to remember what my happiness felt like.

I've never really moved on, and that's ok.