LOVE AND DEATH, edward cullen

forty two

━━ love and death. (2024)
edward cullen x fem!oc
chapter forty two

The sound of rain tapping against my window sounded similar to someone throwing pebbles. It was small little taps that happened repeatedly but shockingly soothed me even during my worst days.

I was in my bedroom after leaving Italy — escaping the Volturi alive. I couldn't sleep. Whenever I managed to try I would wake up nearly falling out bed from the endless rustling around under my covers. To the point Edward moved me in a fetal position so he could hold me from behind.

He continuously rubbed my back in order to calm me down but would switch to playing my hair if I felt too cold against his touch.

It almost felt foreign to be his arms again and I couldn't help but silently cry about it.

His hand stopped, hovering over my back and I didn't have to roll over to know he was carrying a pained expression. It's all he ever wore when I was hurt — but this time it was different. This time I was truly struggling with learning how to cope.

"Aspen?" He whispered my name. "What's wrong?"

I stared at the back of my door silently as the tears kept rolling down my cheeks, no effort to wipe them away. I was so tired of crying — so tired of being in pain.

I finally decided to face him, rolling over on my back where he was now hovering over me and brushing strands of hair out of my face.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to get over this, Edward."

His face shifted to grief. "I know," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

I was feeling an overwhelming amount of deflation. I was truly defeated. "How am I supposed to ever trust you again?" I looked at him honestly with another tear falling down my face.

"Aspen, the only reason that I left was because I thought I was protecting you. I needed you to have a chance at a normal, happy life."

I shook my head and pushed myself up with my arms. Edward shifted so he was sitting beside me with his body facing my direction. I pulled my knees to my chest and wiped the tears off my cheeks. "It was easy for you to leave. Everything you said — that I don't belong in your world. You didn't want to be near me anymore — everything about us was a lie."

I watched him shake his head and his eyebrows furrowed together painfully. "Leaving you was the most agonizing thing I've done in a hundred years."

"I don't know," I mumbled under my breath. "You thought I died so you wanted to kill yourself out of what? Guilt?"

Realization settled over him. "You think I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?" I stared at him silently before he sighed. "I went to them because I thought I'd lost you."

I recoiled from his touch when he tried to place a hand on my knee. "But you did lose me. You said you didn't want me anymore."

He tilted his head to the side, accepting of my pain finally overcoming him with defeat but I noticed a hint of playfulness in his voice. "I had to be convincing — wasn't I?" I looked away from him. "In my hundred years, I've never had a harder time than what I just went through."

I looked down at my comforter and picked at a freestand of string sticking out. "I saw you sometimes — small visions of you, always protecting me. I thought maybe I was beginning to lose my mind."