WORKING FOR THE KNIFE ━ lando norris.

VI. Lonely Living

   

  

( ACT I. ── The Becoming )
chapter six / Lonely Living

   

   

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Annika and Lando each took another shot at the rickety table on the balcony of Annika's hotel room. It was bitter and painful going down, and she took comforting in seeing a glimpse of Lando making the same screwed-up face as her. They used apple juice as a chaser, which really cemented that this was one of the lower points in Annika's life. The warm breeze smelled faintly of marijuana ─ Annika guessed that someone nearby was smoking it on their balcony ─ and other average scents of the city; car exhaust, tarmac, fried food. The sun had set hours ago, but the sprawling metropolis was still alive and well, washing both of them with a faint yellow glow.

"In ten years," Annika said after a long silence, massaging her neck with the heel of her palm, "where do you think you will be? As a person. Where do you want to be, I really mean." She watched him, studying his expression.

Lando sighed contemplatively. "I think... probably exactly where I am now. I mean, things'll be different, obviously ─ a couple of world championships under my belt, maybe a different team, maybe a family. I dunno."

"It feels like so far away, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. But it isn't."

"No," Annika agreed softly, thinking back to her twelve-year-old self, skinny and awkward and filled with so much determination. A lot of unexpected things had happened since then. But a lot of expected things, too.

"How about you?" he asked. "Where's Annika in ten years?"

"Same as you. Just where I am. A world championship or two. That is all."

"Happy at Mercedes, then?"

"Of course," she answered robotically.

"Wouldn't change it?"

"No. Certainly not. Although, I don't know how much longer I will be with them, if I keep on the way I am going."

He looked at her searchingly. "You mean the penalty?"

She was silent. The alcohol made her chest burn. She wondered if this hotel ever rocked in the wind.

"You know it happens, right?" Lando said tentatively. "We all fuck up sometimes. Don't be too hard on yourself about it."

Annika had heard the same thing a thousand and one times already. Hearing it one extra time did not do much to drive the point home, or make her believe it any more than she already did. She knew people made mistakes. She just didn't want it to be her.

Lando seemed to sense that she had no interest in talking about it, and changed the subject with a brief cough in the back of his throat. "How about a family for you, then?"

"No," Annika said, and found that she didn't recognize her own voice. "Having children would put my career on hold. Maybe indefinitely. I would not see the inside of a car for over a year. It's not something I would likely come back from."