The Good Cancer

The Knot

I was sitting in class in eighth grade. I think it was language arts. I wasn't a huge fan of the subject, but I did well in it and it sure was a whole lot better than math. I guess the main reason I didn't like the class didn't have to do with the reading or writing aspect, but the social apect. Sure, I had friends in the class, but I also had a few enemies. Perhaps that's just middle school.

As I sat there, the right side of my neck began to hurt. It wasn't extremely painful or anything, but it was enough to bother me and get my attention. It felt like I had a crick in my neck. I thought I must've slept funny or something. It tended to happen from time to time. The difference was that the had pain just hit me now. Usually, if you sleep wrong, you notice it as soon as you wake up. I tried not to let it worry me too much as I continued my inspection.

 I leaned my head over to the left and reached my right hand up. I brought it to where my neck was hurting in an attempt to give it a little massage. As my fingers began working, I noticed a knot in my neck towards the source of the pain. Still, I tried not to worry. Like my mom, I tended to carry all my stress on my shoulders and would get several knots from time to time that would need to be massaged out. She was always really good at giving massages and working the knots out. This knot however, was a lot different than any other knots I had had in the past. First of all, it was in the front of my neck. Most of the others were always in the back and/or around my shoulder blades. It was also a whole lot bigger than those knots too. It was at least the size of a golf ball. Something was up. This was weird. Worry creeped into my mind no matter how hard I tried to concentrate on my school work.

          All the rest of that school day I kept asking my friends to take a look at my neck. To see if they saw the knot and if it looked as big as it felt. They saw it too , but weren't really sure what else to say other than that they agreed with me. There had to be a logical explanation for what was going on. My mom or dad would have the answers I needed and they would be able to offer me advice on what to do. I would just ask them what they thought when they got off work.

          After school, I went through my usual routine of having a snack and starting my homework. As soon as I mom got home, I approached her and told her about the knot in my neck. I could tell that she was equally if not more worried than I was, but she was trying her best to seem nonchalant. She felt the knot with her own hands and suggested that my dad look at it when he got home too. He might be able to offer some more insight.

          "You know...it does look a lot like that knot you got last year," my mom brought up a little bit later in the evening.

          "Huh?" I couldn't really remember what knot she was talking about.

          "Well, it wasn't as round or as big as this one, but you did have a knot last year around the same time. Remember? It was on the left side though. You had a sinus infection too and when that went away, so did the knot. Maybe this is the same thing."

          "But I don't feel sick." I wasn't completely following my mom.

          "Maybe you are about to get a sinus infection?" she suggested.

          "Maybe..." My mom could be right. I did get sinus infections a lot and now that she mentioned it, I did remember getting that other knot. I didn't remember it being that big of deal. It was more like the left side of my neck was a little swollen. I would just talk to my dad when he got home. I trusted his insight on these sorts of things.

          Unfortunately, when my dad got home, he didn't have too much more to contribute. His idea was a little more specific though. He said it was probably a swollen lymph node. He used to get them from time to time when he was a teenager. Sometimes it would be due to a cold or something, like my mom suggested, and other times it would just seem random. They would almost always go away in a week or so. He said we should just wait a week and see what happened. It would probably go away on its own. If it didn't though, we could just go to the doctor and they would have the answers we needed. I still felt in the dark though.

          The size and location of the knot was still worrying me. It just didn't seem normal. I hoped it would just go away in a week like my dad said, but I had a feeling it might not. My parents didn't seem all that worried, which helped to keep me a bit calmer, but still. Something just didn't seem right. It was a feeling I had in my gut. I can't fully explain it. It's like when you walk into room that's been slightly rearranged. You notice something is off at first, but can't quite put your finger on it.

A week did pass and I waited for something to change. I waited for a positive sign. A sign that wouldel me that my gut was wrong and that everything was fine. to my dismay, nothing changed at all within that week's span. The knot was still there. It wasn't any smaller. It didn't really hurt any more, but it was still there.