enemy to doctor - the hating game

39 - home

I almost immediately drift of into sleep. I'm utterly exhausted- both physically and mentally.
But I go to sleep with peace in my heart.

The next morning I wake up around 8 am. Josh is sleeping next to me and I carefully turn towards him. One of his arms is draped over my waist while his other hand rests right underneath his head. He looks completely and utterly at peace.
I woke up with no pain. Just a feeling of soreness and fatigue but no particular pain. For the first time in days.
Suddenly, Josh's arm tightens around me as he pulls me closer against his chest, then drapes a leg over mine and kisses me on the temple.

"Good morning Shortcake."

That voice. I could literally lose myself inside of the tone of this morning voice. Raspy but sweet at the same time.

"Morning", I whisper back and smile as soon as he opens his eyes.

"How are you feeling?", he asks while slowly stroking a few strands of hair behind my shoulder.

"Better. No pain."

A smile spreads over his face.

"Just what I wanted to hear."

We remain in the same position for another 30 minutes. Simply enjoying each others proximity while trying to leave as little space as possible in between the two of us.
Loving caresses down my back and neck almost let me drift back into sleep when Josh finally decides that 8:30am is the perfect time to start a day.

"Stay in bed. I'll just check your vitals real quick."

And with that he begins his usual routine which I've gotten used to by now. The utter fear from a few days ago has subsidized to a bare feeling of unease which is manageable.
I used to be extremely scared of anything related to the medical field and always tried to keep my fair distance from it but a few months ago when my gynecologist had told me that I would need surgery for the removal of a cyst on my ovary and some other things that I don't even remember the names of, everything had changed.
The doctors at the clinic had been great, especially the nurses who took care of me for the two days I had to stay. But the whole procedure and everything surrounding that had been connected to quite an amount of pain.

"What are you thinking about?"

Josh's words rip me away from memories and put me back into the present. It is just then that I realize the little tray resting next to me now.
I shoot a worried glance at him.

"Patrick texted me to take your blood. I'll be very careful and we'll do it the same as the last times, yeah? Completely painless. Just close your eyes and talk to me about what you were thinking about."

I take a few deep breaths and calm myself down, then close my eyes.

"I was- umm"

My voice starts shaking and I need to take a few breaths as I feel the band being tightened around my upper arm.

"I- uh- I was thinking-"

Suddenly I feel the band being removed again and a second later Josh's hand on my cheek. I open my eyes.

"Hey, what is it?", he asks worriedly.

I slightly relax at the sight of him putting the tray back onto the night table.

"I don't know", I whisper. "I was thinking of my hospital stay and the surgery in the other clinic and then I thought about how far I have come but somehow the memories just-", I break off and breathe through.

"It's okay. I'm sorry if I rushed you. We still go your pace, love. Just take your time, okay?"

I nod and relax into the mattress.
I close my eyes but nevertheless feel Josh looking down at me while he gingerly strokes soft patterns onto my arm. We stay still and in the same position for a few more minutes before Josh carefully arranges the tourniquet around my arm again. I swallow and look up at him with my eyebrows raised in fear.

"Shhh. Close your eyes. You know, you've got this. I'll be extremely gentle."

And with that I trust him- once again. Something that I've been doing continuously for the past few days.

The spray meets my skin, then the cotton wipe. I turn my head away because I know that if I by any chance open my eyes and see the needle, my dinner from last night might make a reappearance.

The needle slides in easily. It barely hurts and I count until 20 before the metal leaves my chest again.

"Did it hurt?"

I sigh and open my eyes again as I turn towards Josh again.

"Barely."

"Good."

He leans forward, kisses my forehead softly. His lips linger for longer than I expected.

"Ready to go home?"

Surprise rushes through me and I gape at Josh's smirking face.

"I can go home?", I ask with a whimper in between the words.

"Yes. Well, my home because I'm not going to leave you alone in this condition but if you want to we can also stay at your apartment. I'll take you to your check ups or maybe just do them myself if possible."

I can't believe his words. I am finally going home. This nightmare is over.

"Sounds perfect.", I say and smile at Josh who leans down to kiss me.

2 hours later we leave. With a bunch of prescriptions and other medical supplies to make the next week at Josh's place easier, but nevertheless, we leave.
And the best part about it is that we leave together.