How to marry a dragon (again)

Chapter 5 - Perhaps only a nightmare

For once, listen to me and prepare a box of tissues.

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Wriothesley's POV

 Furina's words ripped open a wound I didn't even realize existed.

 Right...

 No one else remembers.

 Like Furina doesn't remember the outcome of the prophecy and the countless hours Neuvillette spent just sitting around in silence with her after.

 Like she doesn't remember that no one who knew the truth ever judged her...

 That no one was anything but proud of her and incredibly thankful...

 Neuvillette doesn't remember either.

 The prophecy.

 His conversations with Furina.

 The time he accidentally created a temporary bond between us while saving my life.

 How that blossomed into something more.

 The countless fights we had over a true bond.

 Adopting the girls.

 Our dates, both big and small.

 Me asking for his hand in marriage.

 Our wedding...

 Nothing...

 Just like Furina- Just like everyone, Neuvillette too remembers nothing.

 But I do.

 I remember all those small, shy touches.

 Our first kiss.

 Our second.

 Fighting and making up.

 Moving in together...

 I remember it all, and I know deep down that these memories cannot be replicated.

 Even if I act it out, even if I do the exact same thing, it won't be the same.

 I cannot look at these things the same way the second time. 

 I cannot feel the same way...

 I cannot give the same emotions once more.

 I cannot-

 I cannot give Neuvillette the firsts he deserves because, to me, they would not be our firsts.

 He grew so much... We both did.

 And now he is back at the start and yet here I am, having experienced it all before.

 It suddenly felt so unfair.

 If I courted Neuvillette now, with the knowledge I possess, our relationship would surely start once more, but it felt wrong.

 We had a relationship.

 I was happy. He was happy.

 But what if he won't be this time around?

 What if by having this knowledge, by subconsciously treating him differently than the first time around I mess something up?

 To know his secrets so one-sidedly while harboring the intentions I harbor felt plain wrong.

 I love him.

 I love him with all my heart.

 I love him with my soul.

 But what if it's this deep love that pushes him away?