The Perfect Soldier

Einundvierzig

We got back to my barracks dorm and once we were inside I took a deep breath and laid on the floor.

He crouched down beside me as a concerned look spread to his eyes. I took a deep breath in and stared blankly at the ceiling.

"Why do you stay?"

His head leaned back in reaction to my rather broad question.

"Why do I stay... with you?"

He plopped down as he held his knees, trying to figure out what I was really asking.

I sighed, slowly blinked and shrugged. I didn't even really know what I was asking, or what I wanted to hear back...

"With me....Here... In this stupid fucken job... why do you stay? What's the point of it all?"

The room stayed quiet as he genuinely thought about it. I kept my eyes up to the ceiling as I tried to find an answer for myself...

"I think the point is... that we have a chance... that despite the odds being against us we still fight to save the life in front of us. We might not always win, and people might not be grateful, but at least, at the end of the day, we made an attempt..."

I blinked a few times and my eyes shifted down to the wall... I didn't have the same reasons to stay that he did... I didn't have the heroic view point...

The only reason I hadn't left yet... was because he was still here. I hated this job, no matter how good I was at it, or what my scores told me I was... I hated it here.

I stayed silent as I thought about his answer, and his lack of an answer to why he was with me...

After a long moment of silence he spoke up again in a much quieter tone.

"The point of me staying here... with you... is because I have nowhere else to go. I've been a solider my entire adult life, and this is the only place I've ever felt like I've belonged. I've never belonged anywhere but here..."

I slowly let out a breath as my eyes flickered...

He stayed because he had no where else to go... that's it...

After a silent moment I sat up and stared at the door...

"Nowhere else to go..."

The words quiet left my lips as I felt my chest ache... convenience, that's the only reason he was with me...

"...Convenience I suppose...That's all it is for you..."

I sighed...

I stood up and walked to my door, placing my hand on it...

"If you're only with me for that reason... It's not worth it.I'm not worth-..."

I paused, realizing that it didn't matter what I said next... I let out another sigh as I walked out the door, closing it behind me.

His faint plead for me to 'wait' fell on deaf ears as I kept my head down and continued to walk down the hallway...

My door opened and closed again as his footsteps came after me. His hand reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Please..."

I ripped my arm away from him as I kept walking forward.

The numbness in my chest was starting to fade as I was holding on by a thread...

His hand grabbed my arm again and spun me to face him.

I pushed him back away from me as my eyes locked with his... The anger, sadness, hurt, self hatred was all begging to be let loose, but I held it back...