"Coffee." Rudra handed a cup to Shivaay.
He took it and smiled gratefully. "Thank you."
But then his eyes made their way back to the bottle of pills lying on Anika's dresser. Rudra saw his brother staring at the sleeping pills and sighed. Turning Shivaay's face towards him, he softly warned, "Stop thinking about it."
Shivaay looked ashamed for the minutest of moment. Then his face closed off. The walls were back up again. "How do you...okay, sorry."
Rudra's throat constricted with emotions. He was never supposed to see Shivaay this vulnerable. It felt like a violation. He had noticed Shivaay staring at the ceiling fan, looking down from the windows, running his finger over the sharp edge of the kitchen knives. He knew what his brother was thinking. But there was no way in hell he was letting that happen. Ever. Shivaay never shared anything with him but this was a tad worse. The entire Tia incident had made him more cynical. He was with Rudra in person but sadly, Rudra always found the warmth lacking in his ways. It was almost as if his brother had cut off from him as well. As if his brother was...lost.
He swallowed. No. He wasn't going to let that happen. Leave him, Shivaay was not that weak. He was going to make sure that his brother overcame this problem. This time around, he would assume the role of the protector. He would be the guard of Shivaay's happiness and not let anything touch him.
"Why do you think of it? If not anyone, Anika is there..." Rudra desperately told Shivaay.
A ghost of a smile crossed Shivaay's lips. But his eyes lightened by a million shades. Rudra thanked all the Gods he knew. That woman had singlehandedly saved his brother when he was not there either. She was...
"She is everything," Shivaay said definitively and completed Rudra's thoughts. Rudra smiled as Shivaay spoke, "She and I...we aren't different. We belong."
"Yeah!" Rudra bobbed his head. "So understand where you doing anything will leave her. Don't think of self-harm. Please. It will devastate her."
Rudra knew that he was blackmailing and emotionally baiting Shivaay but he didn't care. Whatever helped erase those cursed thoughts from the mind of his beloved brother was welcomed. He made a mental note to talk with the therapist about the same but for now, this is what he was going with.
He placed a hand on Shivaay's shoulder. "You shouldn't base your life on Oberois. Life is much more than that. It's not worth it, Bhaiya."
Shivaay exhaled. "I never knew life without them. I am learning only now."
Tears welled up in both their eyes as Shivaay continued, "I am exhausted. I don't know what to do."
Rudra couldn't stop anyone and pulled him in a hug. Rubbing Shivaay's back, he whispered, "I am here. Am I not enough?"
Shivaay nodded. "Thank you for everything."
"I should be the one thanking you..." Rudra closed his eyes as angry tears rolled down his cheeks. "I wish our family had an ounce of realisation."
Shivaay resisted the urge to laugh. He shrugged. "I wish they had an ounce of love for me. Because where there is love, no relationships need justifications. Love is the base of trust, loyalty and respect. They had none for me."
Rudra shook his head sadly. "I shouldn't say this but I didn't expect it from Om, Choti Maa and Papa."
The headache was back with a bang for Shivaay. His vision started to darken. The betrayal, the distrust always made his heart palpitate. He had to stop thinking about them. "Let's talk about something else. How is your love story with Bhavya going?"
