"Thank you for staying with us. I...thank you. I will always cherish this day." Pinky reached out to hold Shivaay's palm but stopped midway and looked away as her chin quivered with emotions.
Shivaay looked down. His own heart squeezed in his chest. This wasn't how he wanted his breakfast to be. He walked to the other side of the kitchen counter and began to prepare Ansh's formula milk.
How he wished for things to be different. He had never felt too strongly for his mother but now that she was sitting in front of him, looking like she was barely surviving, he couldn't get himself to calm down. Had he been too harsh with his behaviour? Hadn't his mother forgiven him a zillion times before? Couldn't he too forgive his parents for the one time they had faltered? His heart ached again.
Sucking in a breath, Shivaay reached out and lightly patted Pinky's hand. "I am glad that you are happy."
Just like that, life seemed to return to Pinky's being. She turned towards him, eyes dripping with joy and guilt, love and misery, and then, some haste. She knew that she had less time with her own son. She purposely and desperately grabbed his hand and kissed it before resting her forehead on it like he was a revered one.
"Shivaay!" She all but sobbed. "I always wanted you to be the first in everything. I groomed you like a racehorse. But that is why I missed out on everything. I have no right to say this but don't repeat this with Ansh."
Shivaay blinked. He knew this. She didn't need to say it. It was what he had promised to Anika on the night Anika told him about her pregnancy. None of his children were going to have his fate.
Pinky continued in a cracked voice. "He is precious. Just like his father. Please make him like his father. That will be more than enough for me and Shakti jee. We both will feel like we succeeded somewhere."
"Can..." Shivaay started but couldn't finish it.
Pinky pulled him closer. Shivaay relented. He anyway didn't seem to have a grip on himself from the moment he had walked back into Oberoi Mansion.
"I know we will never see Ansh and Anika again. I know we will never see you again. And I also know that we both have to live with that tragedy for however long we live. But can you please send us emails if you hit a milestone? I will never reply but just let me know. I don't want to die without knowing how are you. Please Shivaay."
Shivaay's head hurt. The familiar feeling of not being able to process words or his surroundings hit him with a vengeance. He looked around for Anika but couldn't find her. Maybe she could rescue him again? But then, why did he even need rescuing from his own mother, his heart asked? Wasn't this what he always wanted?
"Shivaay. I don't deserve to ask this from you but can I get a hug? Please."
Pinky's desolate voice rang around Shivaay's ears. The world darkened in front of his eyes. Was she right? Was he never going to see her and his father again? How would that feel? His heart thudded. No matter what, Shivaay had always dreamt of somehow running into his family and getting a tiny glimpse of them. That would have been enough for him. Now after seeing them in flesh and feeling their vulnerability, he wasn't sure at all. It had been just a few hours and the visuals of Om begging, his mother's tears and his father's defeated posture had seared his brain. He knew for a fact that it was going to be difficult to live with those images yet again. He knew that he was back to square one. He was back to where he had started.
Or not.
Because he also remembered what he had learned over the years. He remembered what Rudra and Anika had told him. He remembered that the decision was only his now.
