Secrets Dyed in Blood

14

I stayed in my study throughout the evening and closed the library earlier than normal. I was just too tired to bother with any work. Carmilla stayed with me in the study while the girls took my cats out for their walks and fed them their evening kibble. Whenever Carmilla and I looked at each other, there were so many silent questions between us. I decided to bite the bullet after the twentieth look shared. 

"Your mind seems like a storm that I would love to navigate if given the opportunity," I started. Carmilla closed her reading material and looked me dead on. 

"Do you ever get nightmares?" She asked timidly. 

"Nightmares?" I reiterated. 

"Yes, from when you were at war with heaven. Or from when that...woman in your life perished." Carmilla's voice choked at even the mention of another woman in my life. I sat back in my chair and stared off at a painting that stood on the wall to my right. My fingers absently tapped against my wooden chair as I fetched my tongue for an answer. 

"There is more to Scarlet's story than the little I told Charlie," I said quietly, pained by the memories. "For example, Scarlet hated being in hell. Granted no one is a fan, but she purposefully tried to convince Heaven to let her in. She did them favors, forced me to help her sabotage our own people, and in the end...she got what she wanted." I shook my head. "I always knew I loved Scarlet more than she loved me. Stolas always hated her. So many of my friends at the time did. Never understood why I could stand to be around her. When she died, I was crushed. I admit that. I sold as much of my soul as I muster just to know that she was okay. And I only found out through the book that when she ventured into heaven, she was relieved that I was gone." A sad smile etched its way onto my face. 

"It was so much different when we were alive," I continued. "She was so different. Full of love and understanding. She was the Sunday school teacher, preaching about the Lord and all of that. I was the librarian assistant that was hopelessly in love. For years we refused to see each other, but it only took one night for us to lose ourselves in each other. When the village found out, they barricaded me in an old, abandoned shed and burned me in there. I don't know what happened to Scarlet, but she joined me soon after. She found me and begged me to help her. I was the fool that said yes. I had already made my deal with Stolas at that point and was quickly working my way up the ranks to becoming an overlord. I was a sure safe net for her." I bit my lower lip to withhold the tears that wanted to spill. "I still hate myself for falling for her. She never cared much for me, only her own self. I only ever wanted to love someone that would love me, like in those old romance novels. I was so stupidly naive." 

"Oh, Astra," Carmilla mumbled as she reached over the desk for my hand. It felt soft and warm against my palm. 

"I'm nothing more than a stupid, bleeding heart," I sobbed. Those damned tears fell down my cheeks whether I wanted them to or not. I was hopeless. My head fell to the table. Bitter cries escaped my lips. It was too painful to talk about most days. "Now I am down here in hell, and she just gets to leave and go to heaven without a damn care about me." The very idea enraged me. I wanted to tear down the gates of heaven and drag her back down here where I was. Torment her for all the damned pain she caused me. However, I knew there was no way I could do that to her. The little love I still had would not let me. 

"Astra, you are so much more than a bleeding heart," Carmilla cooed softly. "And even if you are a bleeding heart, what's so bad about that? I fell in love with that bleeding heart! I will not let you cry over something I hold so dearly." My head whipped up as the confession filtered through my ears. Carmilla gave me a warm, caring smile. Her fingers delicately pushed back the hair from my eyes. "I am not like her. I cannot stand by and torment someone I want to love with my whole heart. I cannot promise much. I am a workaholic. I have two children. I am an overlord in hell for fucksake. But I can promise you one thing Astra." She slowly got up and rounded the desk until she stood by me. "I never want to do anything else other than love this woman I see before me. I want your heart no matter the condition it is in. To hold it close. I love you, Astra." 

"Carmilla..." 

"Please, I want to give you all of me. As long as you let me have all of yours." Her ruby eyes glittered like bloody stars. I fell to my knees from my chair. She knelt down beside me. 

"Carmilla, I fell in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you. I love you, Carmilla. You are the star that lights up in my eyes when I see you. I want to treat you as the queen you deserve. I will give you everything I can. I love you." Carmilla's smile blew up as her lips fell on mine. 

Her lips tasted like sugarcoated dreams. Fire lit up inside of me as held me tight to her. I wanted to give her everything, anything her heart desired. I was in love with the woman. The fact that she loved me? That was sugar on the cream. It was my version of heaven. 

A heaven that I refused to let anyone, or anything take from me. I was possessive and this was mine. 

Her and her family. 

They were all I could have ever wanted.