The Black Knight of Ashfern

Chapter 23

Nan stood frozen by his declaration. She had never thought or even considered that she might hear such words from him, but anger overrode all else when the last of his statement reached her ears.

How could he!

After saying all that! With so much resolve it had rendered her dumbfounded. He had never used such soft words towards her before. His manner had hinted at affection, if rather brutally. But she had never considered it beyond a passing interest or infatuation with her. At the very least, she thought he might view her kindness toward him as a sort of hoped love because she knew he had thought he would never again have such willing and freely given affection. And while she could understand his feelings, she refused to claim love for him when she did not know if she could. There was great foolishness in promising such a thing.

Still for him to say that! After everything else, he had just said.

"You can't do that!" she shouted, caught between outrage and panic as she turned to confront him. "We had an agreement. You said—"

"Said, Ma'am! Said!" Sir William repeated snappishly as he came to a stop. "I said I would look after your boy whether you were with me or not. A stipulation you included. And one I will see through." He concluded his voice level, his look inarguable. "But I will not have you stay under my roof out of obligation!" he flung a hand before him as though to cast the thought away. "If you stay, it will be because you wish to. Not because I or anything other has made you feel you must. I do not want you beholden to me, Nan. I never have. Yes, I have used the weight of your debt to keep you with me, but I was never the one to bring it up. And as far as I'm concerned whatever it is you think to owe me. Is no more. And I will hear nothing to the contrary from you." He concluded glaring at her. Recalling the first time she had questioned his idea of repayment.

Again Nan stood stunned.

"Why?" She asked, and this time it was Sir William caught off guard. "Why do you offer me...give ...rele—" she stopped casting her eyes to the ground in frustration as she tried to make out what she wanted to say. She was not accustomed to being tongue-tied and hated it with a passion. "Why now!" she barked, bringing her eyes back to his. Looking for any explanation she could find for his actions. "Why do you tell me this now?" she asked. "Why not two months ago? Or last night, or this morning. Why is it now you love me enough to... release me? If that is indeed what you are doing."

"Would it have made a difference two months ago, or last night, or this morning? If I told would then what I do now, would you have claimed to love me as ardently as I love you?" he replied swiftly. "Two months ago when I broached the subject you rejected me before I could say further and I became angry because of it. As for last night and this morning. Until you stormed from my room looking as though you hated me with every fiber of your being, I had thought I was dreaming." He breathed, astonishment filling his tone, as though he was still surprised to find he had not been. Then he looked to her a wicked grin sliding across his lips. "I've had such dreams before. Though there was considerably less talking and clothing." He added cheekily at the memory and the way Nan's eyes widened slightly to his added comment.

Then he sighed, and his expression grew somber and thoughtful. "I have loved you since the night called me vain for thinking my scars told the world my worth. I love you, Nan Harris. You don't see my scars. You don't see the Black Knight. You don't fear me. You fight me. Yell at me. Question me. You surprise me constantly. You are like no woman I have ever met. I will not ask that you love me as I had hoped you would. I haven't the right. But you once offered me your friendship and I would very much like to have it if it is still available to me."

When she did not respond, merely continued to stare at him speechless, Sir William gave yet another small smile. "Should I take your silence to mean you know not what to say to me?"