Even after Paul's first sexual experience, he couldn't stop feeling nervous and didn't know if he could follow up to his plan. He knows his answer now but it's still not enough to keep his relationship strong.
As he kept looking down, he bumped into Sand who stopped walking to cross the road. Then he looked behind himself.
"Song, are you sure you are okay?" Paul gulped and nodded but his shaking knees did not convince Sand.
"I thought... I thought you were just nervous because it was for the first time but look at you, you look like you are about to sit your final exams... I don't want to force you into anything and give you a bad first experience."
"N-no, I'm okay! Really!" Sand's facial expression didn't change and so when they could cross the road, he sat with him at a bus stop.
"It'll take time till the bus arrives so... tell me what happened. Why are you rushing it out of sudden?" Paul bit his lips.
"I... I talked to my brother and he said that you could leave me... that you could get bored if I... didn't sleep with you." Sand bowed down his head.
"So this all was just a misunderstanding."
"W-wait, don't be mad... it's not like I didn't like it." Sand sighed and tried to comprehend it but didn't look at Paul again.
"Maybe if I weren't so stressed, I'd be ready but I can't stop thinking about my brother. I left him all alone there when she was so mad. I lost my only work and have to depend on my idol. Jaya is the one who helped me and let me stay at her place... I'm sorry, Sand, for misleading you. I feel like I'm ready but all of these things are blocking my mind and I feel anxious lately." Sand turned to him and stroked his hair.
"Song, I'm not mad that you are not ready. You know very well when I keep asking you. I'd be just glad... if you told me what's on your mind. I'm sorry, I should be more reasonable after knowing what your mom did to you. I should realize sex is the last thing on your mind and not push you into it. I hope I didn't cause you any trauma." Sand put his hand on a bench and Paul slowly moved his hand to his to intertwine their fingers. Then he shook his head.
"No... I'm not mad, Sand. I seriously want to give you what you are excited for... I don't want to lose you." Paul felt numb out of sudden and couldn't even look at him.
"I didn't notice it at first but you look like you didn't have enough sleep. Dark circles around eyes and blank face... what were you doing at night?"
"I... I felt like I needed to prepare for you but I had nightmares because of it." Sand held his hand tighter.
"I don't want you to feel like this at all... when the time's right, you shouldn't think wheter you are prepared or not. It's not an exam... I don't want to make you think you are not enough. Don't feel pressured by my sexual experience."
"It's easier said then done... even during the blowjob... I was only focusing on being good... I liked it but I couldn't relax during it..."
"During moments like these, you should turn off your mind. Not to think, just focus on your feelings. If sex with me is too stressful for you right now, I don't want it."
"M-maybe if I could relax before it..." Sand shook his head.
"It's not so important to me right now. I don't want you to do it because of me, I'm not addicted to sex. I want you to do it because you want it and feel like it's the right time." Sand put his hand on Paul's chest and poked him.
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LOVE AGAIN AND BETTER! | SAND X PAUL crossover | FirstKhaotung fanfiction
FanfictionSongpol, even after returning to his older version, still has few regrets he'd like to fulfill and because he lives in a world where even changing into a younger body is possible, he decides to ask the monks for returning to his past to be Paul agai...
