Heartdriven: Too Driven To Drive

11. Fire Walk With Me

Trigger warning: This chapter contains content that some readers may find upsetting.

There were some rumblings beside her, as Alice fought one eyes open to get a view of what was revealed to her as Sebastian's naked butt crawling off the bed. She tried to reach for him, but he was too far. Annoyed that she couldn't catch him, she 'hmph'ed' and rolled back around, promptly falling back to sleep as the rumblings continued across the floor.

"Aaaaliiiice....", a whisper repeated a few times, before she felt a gentle stroke on her cheek.
"What time is it?", barely just mumbling.
"Around 11."
Her eyes flung open, "Why didn't you wake me?"
He was looking down at her with a comforting smile, still stroking her face, "You looked like you needed the sleep. You were snoring."
"I was not!", pulling herself up in the bed.
"It was adorable," he reached behind himself and lifted a tray from the bed table, placing it on her lap, "Eat."
He had gotten her some toast and jam, with apple juice and some blueberries. And put a flower from the wedding bouquet in a glass next to the plates. She kissed his cheek and began feasting. Her lips were almost sore from sucking on him all evening, she felt out of practice with that part.
And speaking of that practice, Sebastian had gotten himself washed up, making her slightly annoyed, "You're all clean and proper."
"So?", he looked down his t-shirt, as if something was amiss.
She shrugged, trying to sound disappointed by her wrecked plans, "I wanted us to get in the bathtub together."
"That is still an option," he hadn't stop smiling once but just then it turned to a grin.
"I'm dirty and sticky," she pulled the blanket off the chest, "Feel this." She took his hand and placed it firmly on her chest to showcase how sticky he had made her by pouring champagne on her. "And I got this bird's nest going on back here," suggesting to her tangled up hair with pins sticking out.
She continued gnawing at a piece of toast, while Sebastian's hand was still on her chest, and his eyes lingering to specific areas. "Are they distracting you?"
"Hm?", he blinked a few times and came back to.
She shook her head jokingly with an eye roll, and moved his hand to hold her breast while she continued her eating.
"You should see your eyes."
Aiming a frown over said eyes his direction, "My eyes?"
"They're all smudged, I feel like I should be feeding you bamboo rather than breakfast," he smeared his thumb at the side of her eye and showed her the some of the leftover mascara/eyeliner combination.
"Oh not, I forgot about that," covering her face with her hands.
He let go of her breast to remove her hands, "I was only joking. It's not that bad."
"I still need to shower before we do anymore funny business," lifting her index finger at him.
He leaned over to her ear, slightly whispering, "I thought you wanted to do the funny business in the bathtub," before kissing her cheek.
"Yeah, when we were both dirty. Now I feel too dirty, sitting next to you... looking so fresh," covering her chest up with the blanket again to not further tempt him, or rather tempt herself from having him hold her breasts again. "It will probably feel sexier when we are on the same wavelength of cleanliness, don't you think?"
"I think you have never looked more beautiful," his eyes desperate to charm her, it was working a bit too much.
She put her hand on her cheek, extending her arm in an attempt to get him away from her, "You don't need to lie, you'll get laid either way."
"Fine," he sat back and commanded, "But first, you eat."
She saluted him as she went back to her toast and he began cleaning up the room."And you do look beautiful." He looked so adorable by how gently he was managing her wedding dress, trying to fold it into the box without wrinkles.

Alice took an extra long shower, feeling like she would have liked to soak in that bathtub, but she might have gotten stuck there for the rest of the day, as soon as she sat down. But it felt good to get the heavy mess at the back of her head untangled.
She exited the bathroom wearing a towel (rather than a bathrobe) and let it drop to the floor in front of Sebastian, as she got dressed. He was still trying not to look at her, pretending to be busy elsewhere, but when he hit his leg against the table that game was over and he sat down on the bed, "Do you feel better now?"
"I feel less sticky," rubbing down her chest before pulling a t-shirt over her head.
"And more sexy?", with a chuckle. 
She sat on his lap and put her arms around his neck, "How long can we stay?"
"As long as we are paying," his hand was stroking down her back, touching the tips of her wet hair. 
"Ha-ha," mockingly, "No, I mean... you have to get back to Milton Keynes. We just... left."
He sighed with a reluctance, "I talked to Christian this morning. He was not happy, to say the least," turning his face sideways. 
"Should we leave now?", she jumped up from his lap, but he held onto her hands.
"We can stay as long as you want," and he meant it. Maybe she did want to stay for a while and hide from everyone, just the two of them... but she had a conscience telling her she had already taken enough time from Red Bull, but maybe Sebastian wanted to escape as well.
She waved his hands to let go of her, "Come on, babe. Now you are just avoiding it. When is testing, next week?" He nodded. "What if we go home tomorrow, get unpacked and settled back in. Then we go to Milton Keynes... to apologise... and you can catch up on some things before testing. Where is it this time?"
"Jerez."
"Jerez. Jerez. Spain?", it wasn't one of the tracks Alice knew, only having visited Barcelona and just missing out on Valencia.
"Back home," he chuckled with a suggestive eyeroll. 
She crossed her arms across her chest, "Shut up, that's not funny," and turned her back to him. 
He could tell that had annoyed her, walked up to put his hands on her waist, "It is a little bit funny."
She gave in and turned around to embrace him, "Then why am I not laughing?"
"Maybe we should order some more champagne," slowly beginning to kiss her neck, he was quickly winning her over. She didn't care about being annoyed. 
"It's barely even lunch yet!", and as much as the champagne from the night before had too won her over, she wasn't eager to taste it again.
His hands still on her waist, they were becoming a bit more impatient, moving up under her shirt, feeling her still damp back, "What are we going to do until then?"
He certainly had a thing on his mind, that she had been dangling in front of him since she woke up. Literally. And his hands knew their way to said dangling bits.
She caught him off guard as she practically jumped up his body, and he caught her thighs around his hips, taking the hint and carrying her to the bed. His tender arms were so strong she felt like a feather, still he grunted when he let go and her to drop her the last few centimeters to the bed, making her bounce back to him, reaching for his shirt and pulling him down on top of her.
Kissing him aggressively, she held just as tight onto him, rolling around and on top of him, keeping him in place with her thighs. Her shirt didn't get to stay on her body for long, still wet from her hair, she pulled it back off. And the underwear... well, it never made it on in the first place. Now she just needed to disrobe Sebastian as well, grabbing at the shirt, trying to pull it up, he was joyously watching her failed attempts while stroking her thighs, until she gave up. "Alright, just take it off!"
Doing as he was told, he sat up and quickly did so, and she could continue down to unbuckle his pants. She was feeling quite impatient or rather quite lustful, pulling his pants down his legs but no further, before crawling to the bed table, looking for what she needed. "Where are they?"
"What?", he was just laying completely relaxed in another place, waiting for her to service him.
"The-the condoms. Did you pack them already?", she crawled back over him to look at the other side. It didn't help that his hands were constantly tickling up between her legs while she was lying across him.
"Check the drawer."
She was just crawling back and forth, lying flat across him to reach, but he was right of course. The drawer of the first bed table. She took one and threw it back on his stomach, "It's the last one, be careful."
Luckily this condom was not faulty, or she would have to send him off again, but the only place he was going now was back on top of her. He always asked for reassurance, whether with his words or eyes, if she was ready. She appreciated his concern, but she really needed to feel him inside right now, and kept sucking on his neck to give the signal. It was just... as he pushed him inside of her, it felt strange. It didn't knock the air out of her and let warmth spread across her body as he thrust and thrust, it was just movements inside of her.
He was trying, truly, and he was getting pleasure out of it, but she wasn't feeling... anything. She put her hands to his buttocks and tried to push him harder against her, but his hips felt reluctant to take the suggestion.
"Sebastian... Can you... deeper..."
He stopped completely. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Please. Just...", she pressed on his backside again and kissed him until he used his bodyweight to push himself hard and deep inside of her. She felt that, letting out a shriek.
"Did I hurt you?"
"It's fine... just fuck me."
He nodded once, but kept and eye on her as he started back up. She tried to cover her sounds up as he continued the hard thrusts she had wanted, but her nails were digging into his skin, and he felt it different than pleasure. But that was also different for her. It wasn't pleasurable and the continued wincing were not of pleasure, but she didn't want him to stop.
"Alice, I don't want do this if you're in pain," he lifted himself up by his arms and once again stopped.
"Please don't stop... Please. I can't feel it. I can't feel anything. I can only feel you like this," her hands were running up and down his back as she anxiously wanted to continue having sex, but desperately wanted to feel something. And just as much, she wanted to keep the tears inside.
He crawled off and sat to the side of the bed, not facing her, "Christ, what did he do to you?"
"You know what he did." She took a pillow and laid it on her chest, covering herself up.
She was watching the muscle movement on his body as he spoke, "But it's different now. Something happened the last time. And it is with you today. Everything was fine yesterday."
"I guess I was still on a cloud yesterday, my focus was elsewhere and I was able to push it aside. Can we try again, please?", putting her hand on his back, she stroked up to his shoulder.
"Maybe we were too eager. Maybe we need to start off slower," he turned back to her, shrugging but less disrupted.
"What do you mean?"
"Less raw," he leaned over and kissed her shoulder, "More foreplay... to get you in the mood," removing the pillow from her body and letting his finger slide down her ribs. 
"I am in the mood," she put her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her.
He lied down next to her, but not on top as she had hoped. "But your body isn't."
She was a little irritated, rolling around and away from him. "I'm sorry I am so messed up." But really the irritation was disguising her despair.
She could hear him remove the condom and zipping his pants back up before lying back down next to her. So no more sex, apparently. He moved close and rested his head on her shoulder to look over to her, "I don't think you are messed up, sweetie. I think you have gone through something terrible, and it will take time for your body to recover, and fully associate intimacy with pleasure."
She rolled back to him and hid herself and her tears in his chest, "I thought he was going to kill me... I couldn't breathe. Every time I wished he would have killed me instead of what he did to me, and the one time he tried, I fought back. Why did I do that?", barely getting the words out through mumblings.
He held her in his arms until she stopped weeping.
"You're cold. Come, sit up," he lifted her up with her in his arms before handing her the shirt from the foot of the bed, finding his own too, he crawled off the and further found her some underwear and pants to wear. "Is that better?"
"A little bit." She took a blanket and put it over her shoulders. She hadn't felt cold until he mentioned it.
Reaching an arm out for him, he climbed back in bed with her, holding her in his arms and rubbing her back, "Do you want to go home tonight?"
"Okay."
"I know I rushed you a bit—", she had to stop him from thinking he had any blame, interrupting him, "No, babe, you didn't do anything wrong. I wanted everything just as much as you. I'm happy... and I just wanted to have sex with you because I love you, and I got upset because my body wouldn't let me experience it with you."
He kissed her. "I'll call and book us some tickets."
He sat with her for a moment, assuring that she had calmed back down, kissed the top of her head and got out of bed to make the call.
"Sebastian?"
"Hm?", he turned back to her with curiousity shining through his eyes.
"I love you."
His cheeks puffed as the wide smile stretched his lips. He left the bedroom to reserve the tickets, and she began packing their things, but he had already cleaned up the room so well, there wasn't much left for her to do, so she went back to the bed and rested a bit.

A few hours later, Sebastian woke her up with a finger tickling her rib, "Alice... are you ready, my love?"
She grabbed at the collar of his shirt, using the weight her drowsiness in attempt to pull him down, "Come to bed."
"We need to get to the airport soon."
"Now?... Did I fall asleep again?", she reached at his shoulder to lift herself up from the bed, feeling like a zombie, "When is our flight?"
He stroked her hair, messy from the nap, "We have to be at the airport in an hour. I think you might have a bit of jetlag, so it will be good to get you back home again."
"I feel like I haven't slept in months," her eyes fighting to stay open as she held onto his hands for balance.
His voice was as soft and warm as his body felt just standing near him, "Would you rather stay at home to rest, than go with me to Milton Keynes? And then meet me in Jerez for testing."
She looked down at their hands braided together and one thing was certain in her mind, "No, I want to be with you."
"Alright," he kissed the side of her head, "Then get ready, and we can go home."