The Sin of Falling (ONC 2024)

Six (Fedya)

I fall quiet for quite some time as the man looks around at all of the equipment backstage in awe—-you’d think that with how he was acting, he’d never seen anything like those items before.

    Right next to the man, trying to hold his hand (and struggling with the man’s constant circles to observe things nearby), is his toddler who had run into me in the restroom.

     About halfway into the show, I had noticed how the kid ran into me and left some sort of… something on my pant leg—-honestly, I think it was drool. (Gross, I know.) But, I'm not gonna hold it against the kid because he is pretty little… Especially compared to someone my age.

      Stasya, despite coming to basically every single one of our shows and knowing that people come backstage with their passes, shrinks down a little, nervously. She reaches her small hand outwards and grips onto mine, tightly—-it’s almost like she's holding on for dear life.

      I can tell by the elevated rate her chest rises and falls that she's starting to panic.

      Poor kid.

      She gets like this every single time someone comes backstage to meet us, their pass held high.

      I know that typically most kids her age tend to be very friendly and outgoing, but Stasya's the complete opposite—-she’s shy. She keeps to herself.

     Poor kid even has a hard time making friends.

     And honestly, I really do see myself in her—-growing up, I had the exact same problem.

     So, I know there's three ways this could go—-first of all, she could possibly be autistic like me. Second option? Just mere social anxiety—-just as likely as the first option.

     The third option is more based on who we are—-and on our peoples’ history for that matter.

      Stasya might very well be afraid of people she doesn't know because of what I've told her of the siren purges.

      Poor kid must think we're on the verge of another one, I think to myself, my focus completely on her and no longer the man and his toddler.

    I mean, if this is really how Stasya’s thinking, I can't blame her—-as of late, I'll find my mind slipping down to that thought process as well.

     The idea of another siren purge is beyond terrifying to me—-especially since I've already witnessed so many in my lifetime; seven-hundred some years of my life have gone by and I can't even count the sheer amount of limp siren bodies those damn purges leave in their wake.

     (To say I don't have nightmares about those whole ordeals would be a complete and utter lie and I don't want to be unreliable. I don't even think I can remember when the last time I had a decent night of sleep without chilling whimpers and mindless thrashing was.)

     Stasya’s concerns (or possible concerns rather) are completely and utterly valid in my eyes. She'd be right to be wary of strangers who might rat us out. (Especially with Jax’s whole ‘almost getting caught draining the blood of a politician’ thing last year.)

      Finally, the young man approaches us, still holding onto his toddler’s hand, with a big, excited grin plastered over the bottom portion of his face. “You're Hell Under Ionian…” He begins as if he couldn't believe that he was actually indeed meeting us—-which is funny to me considering the fact he has a backstage pass.

     “We are,” Jax says to the man with a wink as ae approaches us. “Pleasure to meet you.” Jax pauses before asking, “If I may, what's your name?”

     The man blinks a few times in shock that one of us would even ask him that. “Oh, uh… It's Grant. Grant Chavalier.” He holds his hand out for Jax to shake, but it's clear by the look on his face and his general overall demeanor, he doesn't think that'll go anywhere.

     Much to Grant's surprise, Jax continues to smile at him and shakes his hand. “Cool name.”

      Ness and Ya’no—-who were already nearby—-approach us as well.

      “Who's this little dude?” Ness asks Grant, gesturing to his toddler.

     Grant looks over to her—-but every now and then, he keeps sneaking quick peaks at me. “Oh! This is my son, Collin.”

     “Is his mom nearby?” Ness asks Grant, with a raised eyebrow.

      I immediately want to face-palm when I hear Ness ask that—-if that question would've been from literally anyone else, I would've just brushed it off… But, because it came from Ness, I know it wasn't just simply a ‘harmless’ question. There was an ulterior motive.

    Knowing Ness, she probably would make a mad dash to find Collin’s mother once her general location was disclosed just to flirt with her.

     Grant shakes his head. “Nope. It's just us.”

     Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Ness visibly deflate a little at that answer.

     Jax then introduces the rest of us to Grant. “This is Vanessa… Ya’no… and-” Jax is cut off.

     “Fedya,” Grant says, biting his lip a little as he looks to me. “I know.”

      Something inside me just releases when he looks at me and I freeze up. Dammit! What the hell is wrong with me?, I question. I so desperately just wanna greet Grant properly, but all I can manage to get out is a small, pathetic, “Hi.”

     Why the fuck does my face feel so warm?, I find myself asking every single time Grant looks at me during the rest of his stay backstage—-I try my best to brush it off.

     When his time is up, Grant gives us a smile and says, “It was nice to meet you guys.” He gets a quick picture with us. His hand brushes against mine (which makes my heart race faster). And then, he and Collin leave.

    I stare off in the direction Grant headed in for the longest time, saying nothing as the wildfire on my face continues to burn. Then, I whisper an awkward, “Bye.”

     Ness slaps my shoulder in a way a sibling might do to tease their other sibling. “Ooh! You like him!”

     “No, I don't!” I say, quickly denying it.

     “Dude,” Ya’no begins to speak up. “We're sirens. We know attraction when we see it.”

     I let out a small, defeated sigh. “Fine… Maybe I like him… Just a little bit.”

    “Well, hold on then!” Jax grins. “I’m gonna go get you his number.”

     “Jax, no!” I call out—-but before I can stop Jax, aer already gone.