2 me's

part one - intro

2 me's. A reason why this book is called that. No I do not have a clone of myself walking around. I do not have a twin (as much as I want one). This story is about me and my enemy. She is also writing. 

*Sigh* 

Not like I can stop her. She is always with me. While eating sleeping and going to school. No she is not stuck to me. She is not a person. I do not know what she is. She is a mystery. 

11 when she came to my life. I was 11. Back then she was small. Tiny. I didn't pay much attention to her. But then over the years she watched me. Then started bullying me. Well I don't know if it is bullying if you are bullying yourself.

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I know what you are thinking. Bullying herself? Whaaat? I don't know if this is how growing up is. I used to think it was. Now I am not so sure. 

What if it happens to everyone?

Maybe no one talks about it because it will go away?

Will it go away?

At this point I don't care. I am sick of it. So if it happens to you please tell me. At this point you are confused so let me sum it up. 

My name is Matsuko (Not my real name). Eversince I was 11 a small voice has been growing inside my head. It bullies me. Makes terrible thoughts. Brings me down. Made me almost end a friendship once. It still is. Almost everyday it says to me. No these are not good friends. Break up. I held on. But the problem is I am close to just ending the friendship. Most of the time I think I am a terrible person. 

Positive thoughts.

I want to think but that voice in my head won't let me. All these years I have managed to keep it inside. Not let the voice reflect in my actions. Now that is getting harder. Only yesterday one of my friends and I had a disagreement. She threw one of my possesions and other people started throwing it and everything. 

"I told you she wasn't a good friend." said my dark voice

She is. I am positive. She was just playing. I hope. But my voice didn't think so. Made my voice angry. Bad enough I already have anger issues. the voice made a way to take control over my body and attacked her. Luckily it wasn't too big. I managed to come to my senses but still I managed to create a bruise on her head. She wasn't too happy with me. Who can blame her? I wanted to apologise. My voice didn't let me. My voice still angry. Eversince then I have called it 'The other me'. You must be thinking this doesn't sound real. I understand. I wouldn't either. But it's true. I don't care if you don't believe me. I am facing this alone anyways. I normally cry myself to sleep. 

Is this how mentally unstable people start out?

I don't want to be mentally unstable.

Being Mental is one of my biggest fears. Being alone is another one of my fears. Unfortunately, No one is here to help me. I am scared of what they are gonna say. Not even my own parents. They love me like most parents but they  tease me playfully. Now, I know they don't mean it but I just can't trust them with my problems anymore. So I ticked them off the list. Therapist? I hate talking about 'feelings'. So you're probably like why are you writing. Well you don't not me in real life. So it is not as scary. And might help me.

When I am rude to people. That is 'The other me'. It is becoming more and more frequent. I need to stop. 

"You can't get rid of me,"  My other me is saying

And I am afraid it is right. It was just a voice in my head. Now it is part of me.