Warp Pipes to Nowhere - A Detective Shy Guy Mystery

Chapter 8

In my office, she had put on and taken off the crown so quickly, I couldn't really look at the crown. Inspect it. I wasn't looking for it, I suppose. She's easily recognizable without it, especially when she knocks on your door. But now, under the searing sun and cloudless sky, I was studying the golden object practically molded to her head. It looked right. Real. It glistened and gleamed the way it ought to glisten in gleam. When she started to clap after the director yelled "cut!" I saw it bob up and down slightly on her golden hair, and the gleam and shine responded to the bouncing accordingly.

"Magnificent weren't they..." I left my escort without so much as a nod of gratitude. The crowd was beginning to disperse. The director was yelling for someone to do something. Characters and understudies and crew members scattered and started wheeling objects, moving wooden backdrops. A truck, somewhere far off, was beeping.

Peach was surrounded by four guards – two Toads in the front wearing yellow and blue striped vests, white pants and pointed yellow or blue shoes. They each wore blue metal helmets that came to a point on either end. One Toad had blue spots on his cap, the other yellow. In their hands, they wielded long axes.The same was true of the guards behind Princess Peach. She spoke something to her guards and as a unit, almost like a singular entity, they moved toward the entrance of the racetrack grounds. I noted their direction and looked ahead. There was a large pink trailer close to the entrance. An army of similarly clad Toad guards surrounded it like a living, breathing moat.

It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. But why would Tartare lie? That must be her crown – her actual crown. But then why send me off to find it? Why send anyone off to find it? Ms. Mowz and Shellock were still – ostensibly – hunting aound the depths of Bubbolopis for the real crown. But the thing in my office that she so easily crushed with her gloved hand didn't shine like this one. Was it a better copy? Something to fool the common-folk when she was making appearances? Then what was Tartare doing telling me to come here. To talk to the director? It didn't add up. One person could give me clarity – and she was surrounded by guards. Maybe they didn't know? I had to approach this the right way.

I walked quickly, but calmly, across the grass to head Peach and her phalanx off. She'll recognize me. Not another Shy Guy on this field is wearing this color. I made sure of that. Nobody dresses like me. The hat, the jacket, the camel-colored robe. She couldn't not recognize me.

"Move it!" shouted a Toad guard when I finally crossed their path. I stopped and faced them, they slowed. The Toads in front had a fire in their eyes and a scowl across their faces. I heard the ones in back say, "lock up! Protect the princess!"

It was a little extreme. Sure they probably get crazed fans or the odd Koopaling but I'm a friend here. A confidant.

"Make way for the princess!" The other Toad guard in front said. The blue one. "Go on, get out fo here."

Peach said nothing. She simply looked at me, curiously. There was no recognition in her eyes. No slight nod of the head or touch of the crown.

"Please move, Shy Guy," she said, coldly, aristocratically. As if I was just a side character in her game. She waved a hand as if to shoo me like a fly.

And then it hit me – the perfume. It wasn't green grass and sunshine. It was...it was...sandalwood? Pine? She's an imposter.

"Please move, minion," she said, the diplomacy drained from her voice. I could see the anger bubbling up over her polished facade.

Minion? I'm no side character.

"Don't even think about it," said the yellow Toad. He brandished his axe but it didn't do him much good. I baited the blue as yellow was pulling back his weapon in order to bring it into striking position. The blue lunged, jabbing the spear toward me but miscalculating my steps. He missed, slicing air but missing my coat, and instead gave me a platform to vault from. I dodged left, jumped onto the extended shaft of the spear, sprung onto his head and dove for Peach's crown.

This belongs to the princess. The real princess. This dupe was good in looks, but her poise, her perfume! It was wrong. Tartare was a fish of his word. I'd have to thank him for it after this whole mess.

I snatchd the crown and tumbled onto the floor, landing in a ball just beyond the reach of the rear guard. I broke out into a run. Shouts pursued me. The sound of something whipping through the ear reached me just before the pain at the back of my head. And the curtains dropping to the ground.

My eyes opened to the pleasant sight of gray bricks. I smiled without meaning to. They must've brought me back to the sewers to reward me in private. The double blind. Knock me out, take me away like they're throwing me in jail and then–

Bars. My eyes adjusted to the low light in the cell. Bars on the door. Bars all along the wall and in the high window in the corner. I looked closer – the gray wasn't the soothing gray of the sewers, this was a harsh, metallic gray. A familiar one.

I rushed to the bars to see if it was true. I couldn't be back here. Not on this side of the bars. A Koopatrol slammed his club on the bars.

"Keep your mitts off!"

Bowser's Castle?

I faded back to the corner of my cell and took a seat on the hard gray stone and looked up at the window. Only the blue sky was visible. I waited for a cloud to crawl by. For something to happen.

"Hey! Shy Guy!" a voice yelled. I looked up. Standing at the bars, looking at me was a Toad. The spots on his cap were green – no, emerald. He had a thin mustache and a goatee. He was wearing a dark brown suit with a matching vest. His shoes were black leather. The third button from the bottom of his vest had an emerald bar across it that was linked to a chain that wound its way to his pocket. He dug for the item in that pocket while looking at me, flipped open the watch that was in the shape of a Chain Chomp and said: "4:15? Not bad. How'd you like to go free?"