find me in nature

II - The start of the end of the word, part II

2003
September 26

we hurry down the dark road, police cars rushing past. I look over to Sarah, who was still shaking, my ears where ringing. making it a little difficult to hear what was going on. I could hear them talking about the highway, and sick people. I look back to Sarah once more, what was going on? Sarah sits up slightly "are we sick?" she asks her father, her voice laced with worry. I quickly look to her "no, baby, we aren't sick" I answer before Joel even has a second to answer, it's clear that she wants to say more, but she shuts her mouth and just sits there.

I look to the side, as does everyone else in the car "that's the louis' farm" tommy states, worry over his face as we stare at the burning farmstead "I hope that he got out" I say, genuinely worried for the bastard's safety " he probably did" Joel replies in that cold, stern voice. something that I haven't heard from him in a while. the save voice I hate. but I don't say anything about it, not now, after we make it out of... whatever this is. then I might. 

soon the car starts slowing down. I look to the front to see what is going "what are you doing?" Joel asks before I can, sending his brother a cold glare. "They have a kid Joel" he replies, looking at Joel softly and worried, typical of tommy. he always did have a soft heart. "So do we!" Joel shouts at tommy, causing both Sarah and I to jump a little. "We have room, we can put them in the back" Sarah states. I look at her and smile. soft heart. just like her uncle. 

Joel looks at Sarah through the rear-view mirror, almost glaring at her before looking back to tommy "Keep driving" he demands. Sarah sighs as the car speeds back up. I look out the back window, watching as the family tries to wave us down. god I hope they make it. we drive until we get to the highway, where we are forced to stop. Joel groans "everyone and their mother had the same damn idea" he says, distaste evident. I look out the front window, watching a man get out of his car. watching as a bloodied man in a hospital gown runs over, attacking the man. I gasp. covering Sarah's eyes. "Ms Adler did that too" I state, unable to hide the fear in my voice.

I can't look away. I sit there, watching as another one of those things run to get whoever else was unlucky to be in the car. "Through the fields, we can cut through town, get to the highway from there." Joel says. pointing to the field to the right. tommy does as he is instructed and reverses the car. driving into the field. I take my hands off of Sarah's eyes, although she refuses to let go of my hand. I look out the back window once more. seeing the rows upon rows of cars following us, turning to look back through the front window. 

we drive through the town of small business. people and bodies everywhere, flames in most corners. I had been down this road a hundred times before, but not once ever been this worried for my life. once again, the car stops "there's people everywhere! I can't get through!" tommy shouts "drive through them tommy, just go!" Joel shouts back, his voice ten times louder, the worry now evident in his voice. "There, around the bus, you can cut through there" I say, pointing to gap between a bus and a building. tommy follows my instructions and drives through the gap. 

Sarah turns to look out my side window, letting out a high pitched scream. I turn to see what she was screaming at, but I have no time to react before a car rams into the side of us. I barely let out a scream, my heart stops and everything goes black. this is it. this is the day that I die. 

when I eventually wake up my ears are ringing and my head is pounding, my vision is mostly back and I can't see anything. I look around the best that I can. I was outside the car, laying on the concrete. my head was spinning, and my body was cold and numb, I couldn't move. I look to the car, watching Joel help Sarah get out of the car. Sarah limping. is she okay? I want to get up and go over, help her. check her ankle. but I couldn't move. 

I watch as Sarah looks over to me, his face full of worry and fear. she points to me and says something, but I can't hear what she is saying. Joel looks over to me. his face full of fear. the world is spinning and I fear my head might just fall of my body. Joel walks over to me, crouching down to check over me. I can see the tears threatening to spill, Sarah leaning against tommy for support. "Baby I" Joel starts, he's still talking, I can see his mouth moving. but I can't hear it. only the ringing "I love you Ella, stay" he cuts out again. I want to know all that he is saying but I still can't hear him. 

I watch as tommy walks over to Joel, prying his body away from me. I can see that from the way their mouths move that they are both shouting. but all I can hear is the ringing in my ears the fucking ringing. I want it to stop, I want to hear Joel. I want to talk to him, hug him, kiss him. like a teenager newly in love. but I can't, I can't move, I can't speak, I can't focus and I fucking hate it.

 I watch as Joel hesitantly moves away from me. turning to Sarah to pick her up. my vision is getting less and less, darker and darker. the last words that I am able to make out is Sarah. her voice sad and quiet. but I can still hear her, just "I love you mom, remember me" she says before tommy and Joel rush away. Sarah in Joels arms. and this is it. I know it. this is the end of my life. I want to get up and run to Joel. I don't want him to leave me. but I know this is where I die. 

and I think I'm okay with that.