find me in nature

III - stay in the past

2023
Boston QZ

QZ. it means quarantine zone, if you hadn't figured that out. it is where we were all sent after the outbreak, a place to live. to start a new life. move on from the past and pretend that it never happened. or at least that's what they make it out to be like. but the fact was plain and simple. the world was fucked. people were infected left and right, and if they weren't infected, they were dead in some other way. survival of the fittest. like a movie, but this isn't a movie. and we aren't that lucky. 

if we didn't die to the infection, we got shot. or blown up. or die from sickness. you rarely died from "natural causes" anymore, you were lucky if you did. it was like a wish that you made on your birthday as a kid, you never got it. and a peaceful death was that wish. it was my wish. and a lot of other peoples too. 

as I kid, I always wondered what my life would be like when I grew up. I always thought that I would be married and have kids, while I was right. I never expected it to be like this. I always dreamt that I was in a nice cozy house, surrounded by my kids and husband. but instead, I'm in a shitty rundown apartment with only one bedroom. I have no tv and sleep on the floor using a bag as a pillow. 

I walk through the halls of the shitty building I work at. keeping my head down, not wanting to look anywhere. ration cards, that's all that I wanted. I get to the front desk, not having to wait in a line, much to my luck "miller, your late" the grumpy old lady says, not sparing me a look as she counts my ration cards. "Yeah, well maybe if the shitty fucking government did more to keep people alive than I wouldn't have to work overtime, would I? don't they tell you when people work overtime?" I question, the distaste in my words obvious. I was tired and wanted nothing more than to back to my shitty apartment that I call my home. 

the lady looks up at me with a glare, slamming the ration cards down on the table "you think that I listen when they tell me that shit? no. I'm here for the same reason that you are. cards, I want fucking ration cards. you aren't happy with your job, don't take that out on me. get a new fucking job" she spits back at me. I take the cards, still in a pissy mode. I count the cards "twenty? is that it? I spent forty fucking hours here, dealing with dead fucking bodies! I want more than twenty fucking cards!" I spit at her., wanting nothing more than to jump over that table and beat her head in. 

Shes about to say something before the boss walks in. causing me to groan and start walking away "miller" she annoyances. stopping me in my tracks. but I don't turn around. I stand there, ration cards in hand "you want more cards, you ask for more hours. don't abuse Mrs Price for it. do you want more hours?" Mackenzie asks, her voice stern as per usual. with a heavy sigh and a roll of my eyes. I turn to face her, resisting the erg to walk over there and hit her. "no. I don't want any more fucking hours" I reply, trying to hide my hatred. "Good. than go on. take your cards and take this as a final warning. shout at the workers again, and you're done. got it" she asks, as if trying to threaten me. 

I bite my bottom lip and turn, leaving the building. heading towards my apartment, stuffing my ration cards into my pocket. I never used to be this mean. if you had known me twenty years ago you would have thought that I was a scared sixteen-year-old in a twenty-seven-year-olds body. but now I'm a rude forty-seven-year-old who doesn't give a shit about who she hurts with what she says. 

I walk into my apartment, having to unlock it with my keys. "Remembered to lock the door this time, well done" I say as I look to my nineteen-year-old daughter who was sitting on the sofa reading a book, who only hums for a moment before looking up to me "you worked for forty hours. I didn't want anyone inside of the house, and fireflies are everywhere, and I don't want to risk it, so yeah. I locked the door." she states before looking back to the book that she was reading. I chuckle and place my bag down.