𝘽𝘼𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙍𝘿'𝙎 𝘽𝙇𝙊𝙊𝘿

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A/N: this will look more into the isolation and depression helaenas currently going through, so trigger warning: depression, self doubt, attempted suicide

Mad?

"The queen has gone mad, she has never left her chambers since ...that night"

were the whispers that bounced from wall to wall from the queens on handmaidens that tend to her, the gossip spread of the invasion of blood and cheese threatening the lives of the queen, her children and the dowager queen—yet more gossip had gone around of helaena

mad had they called her

helaena had locked herself in her chambers wanting not to see anyone going as far as locking herself away from her own children, which to all found very odd—the men were dead, why was the queen still dwelling over the event to this day?

the king himself found it strange and it was through him that the castle murmured the name 'mad' ever since the man on one drunken night splurged it out to those who drank with him

mad had she always been

mad has she become

was his words, tainted words that seem to travel to the ears of alicent

her daughter mad? never could it as it had only been the nonsense her drunken son stirred to cause trouble like he'd always do when his tongue got slippery from the huge amounts of alcohol he consumes to no end

wanting this gossip to be put to the bud, alicent made her way to the queen courters where no one seem to dare pass by claiming they'd too catch the madness of the queen—alicent scoffed at the talk, such little minded people believing the kings word to be true when she knew her daughter would never indulge in the void of madness

raising her fist to knock on the familiar door, alicent knocked three times "helaena dear ...it's me, your mother" she called out making sure to be gentle

with no response at first, alicent knocked once more "my sweet daughter i only come in peace, i worry of you ..please" was the small plea

a moment of silence passed by, maybe a moment longer before alicent felt something was wrong–no she knew something was wrong when she pressed her ear against the door only to hear an eerie bliss of stillness

without a thought the brunette wrapped her hand around the handle and opened the door quickly, and what she saw made a gasp leave her lips and her eyes widened

"helaena!"

there, on the step of the large window stall stood helaena dressed in only her nightgown and her pale hair in a tousled single braid flowing with the wind, her form wavering, swaying side to side as her shaky hands laid numb by her sides

what alicent could not see is the deep bags that laid under the swollen red eyes of helaena, the dried patches on her lips and her cheeks sunken in as if she had eaten nor drunk anything in days. patterns of tears stains still on her paled cheeks from the heavens knows how long she had cried

upon the call of her name by the voice of her mother, helaena lifted her head only slightly but did not turn to face her "...you must not be here mother ...no one must encounter madness" she mumbled lowly, hoarse was her voice and dull was her tone

alicents heart nearly dropped in panic "you are not mad nor will you ever be" the woman was quick to think wanting to keep helaena talking so it'll distract her from not doing anything, not wanting her to take another step forward "pay no mind to what you hear from the whispers of others nor what your mind tells you my sweet daughter, for i know you are not mad–"

"but it was my fault" helaena cut into the words of alicent "i made the choice to give up my sons life" tears couldn't even seem to make fill her eyes, as if the life in them had been sucked out and vanished into the abyss of darkness—no purpose left in them and it broke alicent further as it shone clear in her daughters precious eyes she always adored more than most

how could she not notice how miserable her daughter had grown to be, as she was once before "a terrible mother i am that does not deserve to be in the life of her children that will further place them in harm and a choice will once more he made—a choice of life of death that i, the terrible mother will have to decide" her body swayed once more as her foot took another small step forward

alicent had to restrain herself from running towards her incase her daughter takes more steps forward and slips out from the window stall "i understand how you feel helaena, trust when i say i do, for i had many moments where i felt worthless and had not felt deserving of having the utmost important title every woman wishes to be named, a mother" a tear or two slipped from the womans brown eyes "i failed all my children, i failed as mother and there were times where i too wished to be in the same position you are in at this very moment dearest ...wanted to take my own life so i could not be a burden in my childrens' life any further"

helaenas brow twitched as her eyes glazed over, ears perking listening to her mothers words "but i soon realized that a child of your own is the greatest gift a mother could ask for, my sons may not see me as their mother no more and i, my sons no more—but you, my sweet helaena was my first greatest gift i longed for ...the very first time i felt those words and i did everthing i could to cherish you. even if i made the mistake of handing you off to aegon ...your children will need their mother to cherish and love them where their father failed to do, and taking your life leaving them with endless pain would not change anything"

as alicent talked, the more she moved closer to helaena until she was close enough to the girl whose back was still turned to her "they will need you as their mother,  i need you as my daughter ...so please helaena ..do not do this" her hand reached out slowly, carefully

the sniffles of helaena had now been heard as tears dripped down her sunken cheeks, heart clenching with suffocating pain as she felt like a wave of water filled her lungs making it difficult to breathe "mother" she manged to whimper out before she broke down in loud sobs

alicent was quick to grasp helaena before she could fall forward letting her frail body crash into hers causing the both of them fall to the ground, alicent held onto helaena tightly and couldn't help but let out a cry of her own—the scare shrilled through the both of them

helaena clinged onto her mother sobbing harshly as her body shook in the womans hold "shh, i've got you" alicent cradled her head kissing the crown of it before resting her own head on it letting her eyes flatter shut and long tears falling down her cheeks "i promise to take you away from here, just you and i ..the twins and maelor ..all of us away from this misery and sadness, from this place of torment my sweet ..that i promise you will happen soon"

the mother and daughter curled to the ground holding onto each other tightly crying on the floor as a clear understanding flowed between them, how they share the same sadness, the same anguish and pain, the same guilt ..

but alicent kept to her word, they will escape from this place one way or another no matter how hard alicent tries and risk

A/N: ...sorry for ghosting yall💀 my bad gang