Never Is A Promise / p.js

2. disclosures

— ANAIS' POV

Anais heaves a heavy sigh as her back meets the soft mattress, shutting her eyes next to her boyfriend, Lee Heeseung who had his eyes glued to his phone screen. He slightly turns to Anais and closes the gaps between the two of them, muttering. "Baby, what's wrong? What's with the heavy sigh?", he mumbles while trailing those feathery kisses against her temple. "If I tell you this, would you believe me?". He hums lazily like a sloth

It's almost a year since Anais started going out with Heeseung but she could swear in the top of her heart that Heeseung doesn't really know or try to learn about her at all. About her family background, about her part-time job, about her education. What he cares the most as soon as he lays his finger on her bare skin is her body. He wants her body. Anais did try to open up to him about her life, but he ended up shrugging it away and treated like it was none of his business.

At the end of the day, she gave up of telling him anything. She keeps secrets to herself. Anais had learnt that no matter how much trouble or hassle she was in, Heeseung isn't going to be like a little superhero that will save her. She saves herself, everytime. It's almost feel like her boyfriend is there physically but never presented in her heart. She loves him. She loves Heeseung so dearly, which keeps on hurting herself in return.

"I got sexually harrassed. At my workplace. Some old dude just started taking videos of me—" She almost broke into tears but forced the bead to not fall recklessly against her cheeks. "Relax babe. Probably because you were too revealing? Remember I said last time? Try not to wear something that will feed other people's crazy fanstasies" Heeseung coos beside her while drawing a circle on her bare skin. "My attire was not the invitation to such harrassment, Heeseung" Anais replies nonchalantly, almost feeling numb by Heeseung's touch.

He exhales a small, warm puff against her ear before trailing his fingers softly on the curved of her chest, "Why don't you slide it this time? You're safe now right?". Heeseung mutters quietly before planting kisses underside of Anais' jaw. She pulls herself away from him, wincing. "Not now, Heeseung. Please". Heeseung sits right up in his position while ruffling his hair in slight frustation. He sighs low.

"What do you want, Anais?" There is a hint of anger in his tone.

"Just let me be okay? I don't wanna do anything with you now" She rolls on the other side of the cold bed, facing a white dressing mirror with Heeseung in the reflection.

"You're being weird. You never declined me before" Heeseung sighs as he grabs his black plain shirt somewhere on the floor and eventually covers his naked upper body. "Yeah, are you on your period? Is that why you're all moody?".

"It's not about period. I am not in the mood for any intercourse is all" Her tone is all clear in disappointments. Anais grows exhausted with how her feelings was dismissed by Heeseung everytime she declined to have sex with him. "Can for once we have a deep talk properly without having to make love?". She slowly turns to him while picking her stuffs up on the floor while hinting her boyfriend to calm her down, wishing for him embrace her into his arm. She just wishes that Heeseung could be the person she would cry to when she's upset.

"Heeseung, are you really my boyfriend?" Anais demands for him to look at her but he turns away. "—can we be normal for once? Like other couples who tell each other what's inside their hearts?". He gives her silence in return, sighing low. "I just don't get it, Anais. Why now? Why you're being odd out of nowhere?".

"No I am not being odd. For fuck's sake can you listen to me for once? I just want you to listen to me!"Anais shouts at the male across the room, shutting her eyes as well as her thoughts at the moment. She didn't mean to scream at him, but the anger happens to flicker out of her chest. Anais pulls her bag closer to her chest before jumping out of the bed, stumbling away from Heeseung. "You know what? Fuck it. Nevermind. I'm leaving".

"Anais, where are you going?" She heard him from behind as she slams the door of the master bedroom. Anais storms out of Heeseung's apartment angrily and slaps the remaining tears away from her eye. No matter how messed up her life can be, her outer appearance can't possibly be as fucked up as her internal mind too. Numerous of calls from Heeseung displays on her phone screen when she got into a cab. Anais pushes the power off button and leans her head against the window.

𖦹彡

Apart from being a normal college student, Anais owns two jobs — she works as a barista at the cafe across the street of her apartment on weekdays. Almost everyone, including Heeseung awares of her occupation at the cafe but the other fact that she hides from everybody else is that she owns a MyFans account. It was one of her alternatives to grow her personal income to pay for her college's fees. On MyFans, the creators' personal information are protected, hence, Anais is unknown to her fans. Instead of using her real name, the creators own each individual display name and Anais is known as Summer on that application.

Summer — just to signify the weather as of how much Anais loves the warmth breeze and hazy summertime. Growing up in a household where physical touch wasn't a habit between her parents, Anais had been craving to be embraced in warm arms. That is why, summertime is something that she longs for the most throughout the year because to her, sitting out in the sun while gazing up at the clear sky is equivalent to being embraced in a warm hug.

Anais, or specifically, Summer — used to be a small creator when she first joined MyFans. But her number of followers and engagement grew over the time when she exactly learnt about her niche. The more she stumbled upon the people on this application, the more she got weirded out by all of those creeps. A fan would pay for sums of cash for a single photo of herself in a bunny costumes. After all, it's an easy money. At first, it felt like a stark whore but a labour is still a labour.

Despite mood was ruined by the whole situation with Heeseung, Anais still manages to put on her revealing outfit to satisfy these people's sexual fantasies. Atleast she doesn't do this for free. This job of hers depends on her fans' requests — the more you pay for the service, the more benefits you will receive from the creators. The highly-paid content that Anais had ever created was recording a video of herself in those sexy costumes.

After all, with this job alone, she earns two times better than being a barista at the cafe. But that's not the case. Anais had no choice but to earn extra money as she's struggling to live and to fit in the society. Taking off the costume and props that suffocates her body, Anais changes into a comfy pajama before jumping into her bed. After the whole night working under this fake identity, she finally feels like Anais Kim again.

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