All of Us Are Going to Hell

FIVE

8:50p.m.
 
Whether you speak in secret or aloud, surely He is aware of all that is in the breasts.
AL-MULK (67:30)
 
Lilith is still in the bathroom.

    I'm going to go check if she's okay. She isn't, obviously, but I want to assume. I've never seen Lilith become so...wild. Arguments, yes, but this? Capri was unconscious, with enough bruises that even concealer wouldn't be able to hide, when
Drea and Jackie drove her home.

    Lilith did that. Mm, I think.

    I knock on the bathroom door. I can hear whimpering and snot bubbles. “Lil’? Are you decent?”

    She doesn't laugh at the joke and I cringe. This isn't the time. I knock again and ask, “Can I come in?”

    Lilith goes silent for a couple of seconds. Then, a tiny voice, cracked and almost above a whisper says, “Come in.”

    I open the door and poke my head through.

    And the first thing I think is, what the fuck? Lilith is sitting on the floor, knees up to her chin and her arms around herself, surrounded by her entire makeup arsenal. Tubes of lip gloss are lying next to the toilet. A mascara wand is clinging to Mom's face towel. Nail polish has sprayed the floor and the walls; the bottles are shattered and viscous coloured liquid is everywhere, in bright hues of red, yellow, green and fuschia. Her eye-shadow case is peeking out from the sink. When she looks up at me, I feel my stomach writhe. Mascara is running down her face in thick, black lines and—ew—she's still making snot bubbles.

    “I'm sorry, babe,” she mumbled, tucking her wiry curls behind her ears. “I don't know why that happened — I lost control — I'm so, so sorry —”

    I step in and close the door behind me. This reminded me of the day we both met. It was at a party—during sophomore year. I found her in the bathroom, crying. She never told me why and I never asked. Honestly, I just wanted to fuck her that day.

    And I did.

    I crouch down to her level and offer a smile even though I know it is forced. “Hey, hey. It's okay. I mean, you broke her nose, two of her ribs, gave her a black eye, left her unconscious and with a nice good video people won't stop posting till 2026, but, yeah, it wasn't all your fault. She deserved it.”

    A shadow crossed her face. “But she knew, Mark. About the — about all the —”

    I place my arms on her shoulders. She's cold. “Stop worrying about that. Capri won't say shit. I'll make sure of it.”

    Lilith froze and looked up at me with a blank expression. “How?”

    “She has secrets, too,” I say with a smirk. “She wouldn't dare say anything.”

    “And if she does?” asks Lilith, swivelling to face me. I can see her bra cups from here. Not bad.

    “We could always kill her. That'd be easier.”

    She glares at me. “That wasn't funny.”

    “Look, babe,” I say, taking her hands in mine. “Capri knows better than to cross you now. Hell, so does everyone at this party. Stop being paranoid. If you stay in here longer, it'll only prove that what Capri was right and everything she said is true.”

    “But it is,” she whispered, turning away. “You know that. Better than anyone.”

    I did know that. I paid for all of her visits to the Clinic.

    “That doesn't mean anyone else has to,” I say. “We're in this together now. Might as well keep it running.”

    “Until when, Marcus?”

    Marcus. I love it when she says it like that. It sends waves of heat and sparks down my back, to my groin.

    “Until when I say.”

    She narrows her eyes at me and flinches at my hands gripping hers. “This is all your fault. You did this.”

    And I laugh. My hands slide to her wrists and they tighten. She lets out a small shout and I can feel myself getting brick hard.

    “You bitch,” I hiss, leaning over her ear. “This is as much your fault as it is mine. You knew what you were getting into, what you wanted when you decided to be with me. Isn't this what you wanted?”

    She whimpers like an animal caught in a trap, a cage. My animal. “Mark, I'm sorry — I didn't mean— I'm sorry —”

    I press my nose to her neck. That intoxicating perfume. The raw smell of her sweat. “You want this. Tell me you want this.”

    My hands are moving to the small of her back.

    “Mark, please — I'm sorry —”

    “Tell me you want this now.”

    Blood is rushing to every part of my body, bringing everything into focus. I'm stone hard now and she's just feeding my imagination.

    She's crying as I'm removing the straps of her bra, sliding my hands under her shirt.

    “Mark, no —”

    “I am going to fuck you now, and you are going to enjoy it.”

    “Mark—”

    Her clothes come off by my hand, before she can say another word.