All of Us Are Going to Hell

TWELVE

28 Minutes into the End of the World
 
A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous.
ALFRED ADLER
 
The only thing running through my mind: what the fuck?

    Six of us are standing in front of the Devil.

    The Devil is taking six of us to Hell.

    That's what's happening right now.

    All of us are frozen solid, but somehow, Iris, who's standing right in front of him, the guy who looks like a Greek god being featured on Vogue, manages to speak: “What? Why?”

    Satan—yes, Satan—looks scandalized. “Why?” he scoffs. “Why else? All of you sinned. Gravely. And last I checked: no repentance of any sort to bind you to the Saving Grace of Heaven which vis-à-vis, means that I get claim the souls of six of you for all eternity. Yup.”

    It sounded the same way it would if you said you were going to eat Gelato on a private hatch with a bunch of naked girls or paragliding from Mount Rushmore.

    Not taking six kids to their eternal damnation.

    The first time I heard about Heaven and Hell was when I was six. Mom's parents came visiting from Omaha. Apparently, they were Catholic. They wanted me and Baby Tiffany to get baptized and christened and all of that bullshit. Dad didn't agree. It became a huge fight. I heard Mom's mother tell her that our souls, Tiffany's and mine were doomed to Hell unless she could do something about it. She didn't. Naming me Mark was the last tie to the religion she ever had. I didn't think of it much then.

    Now?

    Well, I'm screwed. We all are.

    “And that's why we're still here?” Jabari asked the man standing by the threshold. “Why we didn't vanish?”

    “Duh,” he said with an eyeroll. Satan blinked at us and his irises became a different colour. “Everyone else got, uh, sorted. You six are the remnants. Now, come along. It's going be a busy Armageddon, so I'd like it if you make this easier for all of us.”

    “Easier?” gasped Hadassah. “How is there any ease in being told you're going to Hell?” She's still shocked that she's going to Hell—and so am I, really. I can't imagine Hadassah doing something grave.

    The rest of us on the other hand?

    Satan just struck gold.

    “And you came to take us yourself?” asks Lilith, squinting at the Devil. “Don't you have...demons to do that or something?”

    The Devil dropped his briefcase. It landed with a thud.

    “I am the one who misled you all and it is I who will claim your souls,” Satan said, a fire burning behind his eyes and a rough, hoarse speaking with us, “so, wrap this up and follow me!”

     It might have been the heat, but I swear I heard screaming coming from the briefcase. Instant fear and terror swallowed my body and from the looks of everyone else, they felt it, too.

    With a sigh, the Devil shut his eyes and smoke—literal fumes—billowed from his body. “You are king. You are ruler,” he said to himsrlf, like a mantra. “You are better than Him. You are smarter.” His face—beautiful ebony skin you just wanted to stroke—became all smiles. “Sorry. Lost my temper there. Anger issues and all. Still working stuff with my therapist.”

    Jabari's mouth fell. “Your therapist—”

    Elijah cuts him off. “Look, Satan, sir,” he says briskly, “we're just kids.”