The dark streets sped by the tinted windows, the passing streetlamps flickering and spreading broken light across the damp asphalt. It threw both girls into shadow as Camila watched long, pale fingers pick absently at a loose thread on the seat between them. They ran along the frayed seam, tugging mechanically on the thin cotton. Camila stared dejectedly at them, keeping her eyes on the grey leather, not wanting to look up into perfect emerald.
She wasn't sure what she'd find if she lifted her gaze. Anger. Sadness. Regret. But she'd rather not know, given their afternoon. Instead she looked over at Tia, the man sitting silently across from them with his head bowed and his fingers tapping out a text message on his phone. She knew he could sense the tension between the two of them; he'd have to be an idiot not to. It hung over them like a thick cloud, slowly suffocating her.
It had been like this ever since Lauren had walked away from her. Camila had followed after her, once she'd composed herself as best she could. But she mightn't have bothered for what good it did. Lauren wouldn't even look at her. She would take in a sharp congested breath every few minutes, Camila keeping her eyes on the floor of the wooden cart and away from Lauren. The feeling of lead in the pit of Camila's stomach didn't get better either. The tightness weighed heavy as nausea rose in her throat.
She'd tried to swallow it down as the local boy took them down narrow dirt roads, through the local village, and across old bridges overlooking the rest of the Delta. In normal circumstances it would have been peaceful and beyond beautiful. But the atmosphere was heavy, dragging down the afternoon for all three of them. And by the time they'd hopped in the van, the silence had become unbearable. Yet neither seemed prepared to break it.
Camila was still reeling from Lauren's harsh words, each syllable ringing in her ears. They turned over and over inside her head until that paralysing self-doubt reared its ugly head again. A part of her knew they were true, but she still couldn't bring herself to fully believe them. If she did, the past three years would have been on her. And things just shouldn't be that simple, just going with her shouldn't have been that simple.
Could I really have dropped everything for you?
The fact that Lauren expected her to without any hint from her was a harder pill to swallow. It frankly pissed Camila off. It sent the ache in her chest spreading over her shoulders and down her arms until her fists were clenching tightly in her lap. Camila had to breathe past it, while forcing her eyes not to seek out the brunette sitting only a few feet away.
Camila was once again playing the never-ending tug-of-war with Lauren. Battling with feeling guilty for not even entertaining the idea, and angry for Lauren being so stubborn as to not just ask the question herself. And more so, that she kept silent about it for years and had only just brought it up in what seemed like an effort to push her further away.
This whole thing is just so fucked up.
Camila chanced a glance at Lauren from the corner of her eye. Her gaze was on the dark Saigon street, her forehead resting against the cool glass. She was worrying the back of her knuckles over the smooth surface, her brow furrowed in thought. Sighing audibly, Camila shifted on the leather backseat, looking out her own window at the wide river that ran parallel to the van.
Why didn't I just go with you?
Was I scared?
Or was I just as stubborn as you are?
Camila looked back over at Lauren just as their driver pulled to the side of the curb. The girl still had her eyes on the tinted glass and on the line of traffic streaming past her window. Camila huffed and slid closer to the back door. Thai hopped out of the front seat, coming around to the side door and sliding it open. The sounds and smells of the city hit her as she climbed out first, her black Converse's hitting the uneven concrete. She spun on her heel, shouldering her small bag to see Lauren jumping down after her, only to turn back to their guide with a weak smile.
