Split [ONC 2024]

12. Mother

I don't want to move ever again.

After everything we've engaged in, we're still on the couch, Daniel lying on it, me lying on top of him, drawing circles with my index finger on his chest. His left arm is around my waist, securing me there. Making sure I don't leave or pull away from him.

I feel no regret, just a pleasant warmth encasing me. I don't think it even has anything to do with his bare skin still brushing against mine. The clock on the wall ticks by and we let it, damning the world and the horrors outside these walls.

"We're going to have to get up eventually," he says, but doesn't move.

"Would it be so bad if we slept here?" 

The sun has already set and the room is bathed in the last slivers of light the day has to offer. It makes everything look grainy. Maybe I should feel scared that it's getting dark, but without light, there can be no shadows. I'm safe from them. I'm safe from anything while in his arms. Even reality.

"Actually, not at all. You need the rest."

"So do you. The last hours haven't been easy on you."

He chuckles at this. "I admit, it's been a while, but it's good to know I haven't lost my touch."

"Nor I mine." I continue to draw little circles.

Steve had never been fit like this, his muscles had never been hard. Daniel is an entirely different experience. I'm sure the forbidden nature of our relationship is adding to my sense of wonder. It's hard to believe he's as amazing as my mind is making him out to be right now. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow morning feeling disgusted with myself. As it is, right now, I want to do it all over again. His body looks incredible and moves in ways I never thought possible. It makes me feel different too, like an actress or a model, fit to be with someone like him.

I know it's not real, but I allow myself to daydream.

"I don't..." He pauses and I'm glad.

"We can think about serious things tomorrow."

"How about on Monday?"

"On Monday sounds even better."

He hums and the vibration of it sends a shiver down my spine. "Is there anyone you should let know about where you are?"

Right, other people. My phone is still... I don't even know where it is.

"Not exactly." I guess my mother could call, but she blissfully hasn't over the past few days. My last conversation with her has honestly been enough. I don't even want to get into this whole mess.

"No friends, parents?" He glances down at me, even if it's hard with our entwined position.

"I don't exactly have close friends and my mother... Well, she's a lot."

He doesn't press the subject and I'm grateful. Then, his body tenses and I feel as if the dream is about to be over.

"We should tell your in-laws what happened."

Oh, God, he's completely right. Steve's parents have no idea. Neither does anyone else. His job, his online friends who play videogames with him... I'll have to tell them all and the thought breaks me into a million pieces. It's easier to pretend it didn't happen if it's just me knowing. Somewhere deep inside I felt that as long as I keep it to myself and suffer in silence, the rest of the world would not be touched by Steve's disappearance.

Life doesn't work that way. Life is pain, and mine is coming out as sobs.

Daniel shushes me and tightens his hold on me. I can't help but sob harder and I hate it. What I don't hate is how it leads to him kissing my hair, then my face. I immediately grasp the opportunity to distract myself, sink into him and his affection. At this point, I don't even care if he only wants to sleep with me and nothing else. I'm not even sure I want more from him. This works for me right now.