Kenwood
Weybridge, Surrey
December 24, 1965
John*
John took the receiver from Cynthia and hung it up, waiting for her to speak.
“I’ve got to go John. I need to get back to London right now. ” She was speaking quickly, beginning to panic. “Andrew’s probably - he must be worried sick and he knows I’m here with you. I can’t even imagine what he’s think—”
“Go home, sort it out and then come back here afterwards. I want you to come back here tonight.” He put his hand over her’s in an attempt to calm her down.
”I can’t do that…he’s my fiance…he deserves more than that.” She looked at him, shaking her head. “I can’t believe I’ve gone and done this, completely disregarded his feelings, didn’t even think to call him…I’m not like this…and for Christ’s sake it’s Christmas Eve on top of everything else…” She began twisting her engagement ring around her finger and avoided his eyes.
It took him seven years to realize this was the woman he wanted, who he had always wanted from day one when he was nothing but a smart mouthed, 17 year old kid with a chip on his shoulder. She knew him for who he was, no bullshit. Cyn was his girl, the woman he grew up with and never really stopped loving - the person he could trust. He was finished fucking around; tired of pretending he didn’t need her and could be happy without her. Now her words played over and over in his mind -“What happens when the Beatles finish? Who will love you then?” He needed her back in his life. He needed to feel sane again.
”You can’t marry this bloke, Cyn.” He said, pulling her close to him. “We’ll sort it all out. I promise.” He kissed her forehead softly and silently prayed for one more chance.
“I love you but I can’t do this to him, not like this…” She began to pull back and looked up to him, “and those terrible things you said to me…how do I know you won’t have second thoughts and do it to me again?”
“You know I didn’t mean it. You know me, Cyn….better than anyone else and I just…” He looked down before meeting her beautiful doe eyes once more, “I’m fookin’ losin’ it. I don’t even know who I am anymore…except when I’m with you. Sometimes that scares the hell out me ‘cos a lot of the time I hate that person…and I just want to forget him, and you, too….sometimes I think it’ll just be easier to play this part instead…but I can’t Cyn.”
He got up off the bed and began to pace around the room, rubbing the back of his neck. “It took me a long time to realize this but you make me a better person…you make me want to be bettter, and be good, like you…I used to resent you for it but I’ve woken up now…” He sighed, “Before I completely fuckin’ go off the deep end let me say this. I still don’t know what I did to deserve you coming into my life. You fuckin’ saved me once before Cyn and I need you to save me again…”
He looked back to her and she was crying. It felt like someone was inside his chest, ripping his heart in two.
“Then fix it…don’t push me away again…fix it.” She was covering her face with her hands. “I can’t take much more of this. I love you but you’ve hurt me so much…”
“Come on Cyn…” He knelt down in front of her and pulled her hands away from her face. “No one knows you like I do either don’t forget….and if I fuck this up again you can chuck me out of your life for good… but you’ve got to give me another chance luv. Let’s do it right this time,” he pleaded.
