The Transcendental: The Church Project

Breaking Cycles

March 21, 2024

How does breaking a cycle feel? By 'cycle', loops or situational patterns that made you feel stuck or somewhat in bondage as in the case with addictions. How do you know you're successful in breaking a cycle and that you now have a better foundation or start?

It's normal to fall back and be repeating a cycle despite actually making an effort to break it. But I think it's important to be paying attention and be really honest with yourself. You pay attention so you could catch yourself when you kind of take a step backwards instead of forward. That just means it's not go time yet, something has yet to happen or there's still a bit of work left. Other times, it's just 'finishing things up'.

But when you break a cycle, there will be a moment, a short while, where it will feel a bit weird and there's gonna be a bit of restlessness like you'd go: So, what am I gonna do now? But that's because it's a thing what people say where they kind of got used to a cycle, and it's that distortion that gets people associating that getting used to something with comfort - which is one of the main things I think that makes it difficult for people to break cycles. They kind of think they learnt to like it, but no, that's just how a cycle or a loop distorts the truth and makes people just irrational. But there will be that moment where the person would be feeling like it's too quiet here, it's 'uneventful', and they might worry that they did the wrong thing.

You didn't do the wrong thing. You wouldn't have gone making an effort breaking the cycle if you didn't feel quality of life being like a leaky faucet, if you didn't actually see that there's really something wrong going on and because you're experiencing health and wellness issues, if you didn't actually feel sick. Cycles like that are really meant to be broken. Whatever it is that is a disservice to yourself, you're really supposed to break it. It's just that when you're in it, it could get quite tricky. You're like yes, no, yes, no till you actually get sort of like that lightning bolt or what people would call the last straw and you're like: it's definitely a no. And people could say: No, you're just confused because you're upset. It will pass, and you will see that it's fine. But you're like: I'm not even upset anymore. I just feel like this load just dropped and all of a sudden, I could see what's wrong here. I could just see and I can't even be angry because it feels like freedom. Instead of wronged, I feel freed. It's like a eureka moment or like a remembering or a discovery of something that's been buried or covered up - better yet, a rediscovery.

Why a rediscovery? 'Cause you might have already seen that before, but you still have that trauma response or wound that makes you cover the thing yourself, cover up the truth and go: maybe I am just being unfair or critical. There must be a good reason behind this. And that's where people begin to justify something that's actually not serving their good, they justify and open up themselves to a bad experience. But the good news is repeating a cycle is not all that bad, falling back on an old pattern is not all that bad. 'Cause repeating a cycle could be just like stretching something elastic like a rubber band or pouring another drink into a cup. When people approach the breaking point, they might feel scared, and it is because it could feel like a breakdown. But you won't really. It's not you that's gonna break but the cycle. You're gonna have a rubber band stretched beyond its limit and spilt milk.

The good news about cycles like this is that when that happens, it's a good thing. That's how you end and close cycles. Otherwise, you have a rubber band that stretches and stretches but is yet to be stretched beyond its limit and a cup with something stagnating in it like a bad experience.

The rubber band would break, the milk that's gone bad will be spilt. And that's how you lose that cycle. You won't get another rubber band or another cup of sour milk. But that's because you already know and you will recognize it when you get offered something like that again. And you won't even be upset. You won't even be wishing you saw it or knew it earlier because you will see what had you justifying something that's not good for you and how you had to repeat and repeat till it becomes clear.

People who are still upset and angry and yet say that it's all clear, that's not really the case. They have yet to break that cycle. They will find themselves in a different situation but the cycle will still manifest itself there. It is the person that carries that cycle. They could leave people behind and think that's how the cycle ends, but they just end up carrying it with them to a different situation with a different person. A cycle is attached to a person's trauma or wound response where a trauma response could be covering a blatant issue or looking the other way because it reminds them of something they left behind or walked away from, like a relationship with a person with the same issue, covering that up and wishing it's not the case. Justification could be a trauma response. Like saying: So alright, he did this, he is this and that, but who doesn't or who isn't?

People think justifying something that puts them in a bad situation or gives them a bad experience is being compassionate. Like when somebody lies to them, manipulates them, and they're like: Who doesn't?

Sure, who doesn't? People make mistakes. But you stay when the person has yet to acknowledge that he's giving you a bad experience, that's putting up with abuse. You're forming a cycle with them. Sure, maybe you feel like everybody you meet has that problem and you think if you stay, something good would come out of that. But you have trauma and you have yet to heal from that. When people have unhealed trauma and they have relationships with people who have the same problem as the person that they walked away from, it's just gonna make that worse.

Like I said, walking away from people doesn't translate to thinking they can't change, it's giving them space for that actually.

But then again, repeating is not a bad thing. 'Cause the end point would always be that the rubber band will break and the milk spills. It's only a matter of time. And when that happens, the person would also see the wound and heal it. When they heal, it will feel a bit weird 'cause it will be quiet and uneventful. No drama of that sort all of a sudden. You aren't having a bad experience all of a sudden. You have peace. You might feel at that short moment that you're blue. But you're not blue, you just found peace. It's weird but it would really be short, and you will stop calling it being blue, you will start calling it having peace. 'Cause it would clear up.

You heal, you get peace. You get quiet and uneventful but you will see it's a good thing. You're not blue, you just got a fresh start. Soon, you will see how you already have what you need there with you and what's gone is just that rubber band and that cup of bad milk. You will see how you have all that space for the good stuff to come pouring in. And you will see why I say that's how cycles like that end and close - the rubber band gets stretched beyond its limit and the bad milk spills. That really has to go.