Xalia Squalor; because sometimes being in is not enough

Totally Gunther

"How did you get that poster?" Mum asks, smiling at Olaf. I roll my eyes as he says, "Please, pretty lady. I am a foreigner, we have our ways."
"Who is this man, darling?" Jerome asks, his eyes wide. Mum laughs, "Jerome, I told you Gunther was arriving today, and he would need some curtain time."
Jerome nods, and holds out his hand in a handshake. Olaf looks at his hand, and waves, keeping his hand as far away as he can. Olaf says, "I hope you can forgive the way I'm talking, please, but I am please a foreigner. Very nice to meet the husband of pretty lady Esme, and her pretty little daughter, who is how old, please?"
"Fifteen," I smile, picking an aqueous martini from the table. Olaf nods, before continuing, "And is called?"
Mum looks at him, confused, before saying, "I told you, Gunther, all about her. Xalia May is fifteen."
Olaf nods again and says, "And three hideous other children. Is hideous the right word I'm trying to say, please?"
The little baby, Sunny, babbles something and Mum steps closer to Olaf. She says, "So foreign, so in-"
"This is Count Olaf, and I don't mean the poster," Violet sighs. Olaf holds the poster up again, and smirks, "So handsome. I can see Count Olaf is as handsome as a noble steed riding on the back of a beautiful princess. His handsomeness is celebrated in my far away land."
"Which far away land is that?" Klaus asks.
"Far. Away." Olaf looks at mum, sort of asking for a bit of help here. He continues, "Ah, think of the poor little Quagmire twins and their sparkly sapphires. If this Count Olaf is somehow recognized and taken to jail, the little Quaggies will never be found in their super duper hiding place and they will starve to death. Like castaways, or every average person who goes to a vegetarian restaurant. Please."
Mum groans, "Let's not talk about depressing things. The In Auction! Tomorrow, being hosted by the one and only, this foreign man named Gunther. Just, look look look."
Mum hands the Baudelaires a catalogue, before laughing, "This auction is going to be so in, that people have heart attacks and hives. Isn't it, Xalia May?"
"Heart attacks and hives," I smile. Then, I stop, and take a sip of my aqueous martini. I don't know what I just agreed to. I say, "And of course, all the money goes to a good cause."
"Which good cause?" Jerome asks.
"Me," mum smiles.
"Me?" Olaf scoffs.
"Me."
"Me?"
"Me," Mum steps on Olaf's foot, "All the money goes to me."
"What about the poor people we were reading about?" Jerome asks, "We could give the money to them. Why not them, darling?"
Mum scoffs, "Poor people can't eat money, darling. And if we give them money, the wont be poor, and who will we feel sorry for. Isn't that right, Xalia May?"
"Sorry for," I agree. I'm like a parrot, oh my god. Olaf says, "Go far away please, orphans."
I stop listening to what mum says, and watch as the Baudelaires leave the room with Jerome. Mum hugs me to the side, and I ask, "Mum, why do you always ask me if that's right?"
I look up at mum, who looks confused. She thinks for a second, before saying, "Oh, well, it makes the conversations seem like I'm always right, which I am. Just keep being my little girl, yeah?"
I nod, pausing as I hear footsteps. Jerome is back really, really quickly, which means the orphans have been left alone. I leave the room, and wander to the bedroom that the Baudelaires should be in. It's right outside my room, so I could knock and see. Klaus and Sunny walk out, and I knock on the door, waiting to see if Violet answers. She does, and asks, "Xalia May? How can I help you?"
"I was just wondering if you needed anything?" I smile, "Ribbons, pencils, chalk?"
Violet thinks for a second, before asking, "Do you have any chalk?"
I nod, and invite her into my bedroom. She gasps as I walk over to my art cupboards, and pull the first one open. I climb up onto a chair, and grab a box of chalk. She helps me down as I hand her piece and say, "Feel free to come in here for anything you need. I've been the only child in here for a while, so I've got things for babies, even. Mum never wanted to throw anything away, she wanted to spend every moment with me. Sorry, this is a bit mental. Sunny? Would she like anything? Or Klaus?"
"Do you have things to bite? Or read?" Violet asks. I look round my room, before suggesting, "I've got building blocks in that basket there, and the room just opposite this one is a library. I don't go in there often. I'm usually getting ready for pageants or another modelling job. It's nice to have people in the house with me."
"You know who Olaf is, don't you?" Violet asks. I nod, and she asks, "Do you believe me that Gunther is Olaf?"
I hesitate, before sighing, "I'm meant to agree with mum, and mum says he isn't."
"You agree with your mum a lot, don't you?" Violet smiles at me, "Whenever she asks, you repeat the last few words, nod and smile. Do you notice that?"
I nod, and explain, "Mum does it all the time. If there are guests, I usually stay with her. Since you guys will be living here though, I don't have to. I... why do you need chalk?"
"I'm going to be exploring," Violet sighs, "I think Klaus has got everyone on a tour, so I should start looking myself. Any room in particular I should start with?"
"What are you looking for?" I ask. Violet sighs, "The Quagmire triplets."
"There are only two of them," I mutter. Violet explains, "They are triplets, but one of their siblings didn't survive the fire. You don't have any information of them, do you?"
I shake my head, and mutter, "No, I don't. I'll see you in a bit?"
"In a bit."