Chapter Thirty Seven - What Was Once Broken

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After closing the door in my bedroom, I turned around to find River sitting with slumped shoulders on the end of my bed.

His face was twisted with a torment so deep that I just wanted to wrap myself around him in comfort.

"I'm sorry, Alira," he murmured, his voice almost too soft to hear.

My footsteps were hesitant as I tried to figure out where I should sit – should I stay standing or move close enough to offer comfort if he needed it?

"It's fine, River. Are you...are you sure you want to stay here with me? Would it be better if you went after Heath?"

He reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me down until I was wedged in close to his side. "Talking to Heath would make no difference. And," he ran a rough hand through his hair, "I owe you an explanation after that scene downstairs."

I shook my head even though he wasn't looking at me, "You really don't. You don't have to tell me anything."

"But I want to," he whispered.I sighed and touched his knee, "Then I'm here to listen."

"Ok, so it's not a really long story but Heath started to get noticed when he was young – he was forever entering martial arts competitions and getting written up in local newspapers. He was popular and I was just the little brother," He cut me off my coming protests with a shake of his head. "I wasn't jealous because he never really cared about that or the attention, he just wanted to train. His dream was to become a fighter and he pushed himself until it became a reality – just before his eighteenth birthday, he was picked up by the matchmaker, Jon Silva, who'd seen all of his fights on Youtube – apparently no other guy has ever gotten a start with the UFC at such a young age before." River smiled, "We were all so proud of him and I thought that I was happy to just live in his shadow because he was an awesome big brother, he never made me feel like I was an annoyance. But a few weeks after my fifteenth birthday I overheard a few guys talking about how Heath was going to be a legend while I would never achieve anything." He grimaced, "For some reason, it made me really angry, hormones maybe and my own sense of inadequacy kicking in but I started to act like a real shit and one day, when I was sneaking into one of the UFC parties, I met Camilla."

"She was your ex-girlfriend?" I asked gently.

He nodded sharply, "Yeah. I met her and she was beautiful and two years older than me – I couldn't resist. I mean, no other girl had ever noticed me before when they found out who I was related to but she did," he looked at me with tears in his eyes. "She saw me and I fell so fucking hard for her."

I laid my cheek against his shoulder.

"At first it was great and we had fun doing normal teenage shit but stuff start to get bad – we were always going to parties, getting trashed and hooking up," he winced. "My parents started to get worried when I would come home drunk every night – I hardly went to school and I ended up getting into trouble with my teachers." He sighed, "Heath got involved, he came back from his first tour and found out that I was completely fucked up." His breathing quickened, "It's all so stupid now, RiRi. I let my life fall apart because of a girl – one who only seemed happy with me when I was swallowing a bottle of Vodka. I can't even comprehend it now."

I bit my lip, "You thought that you were in love."

He chuckled without humour, "It wasn't love, Alira. It was lust – she was a beautiful, and older, girl who wanted to party with me and who let me have sex with her."

I winced but didn't say anything else.

"We were only together for about eight months but it was enough – I was messed up and I didn't want anyone to help me because I wanted to believe that I could be as worshipped as what Heath was."

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