My Tears Are Becoming a Sea

A Tender Moment

The sun shining bright and full of life from outside the large glass of the spacecraft, illuminating the makeshift forest park with all of its golden fire. A black-ice air freshener dangled down from the rearview mirror, and children could be seen outside spraying each other with water guns. It was the middle of June after summer break started just a few weeks ago, and Craig was sitting in the passenger seat of his fathers truck with the visor down as Thomas was placing firewood in the trunk. Craig wiped his forehead, trying to fluff his hair to stop it from clinging onto his sweaty skin as he watched Thomas enter the driver's seat at last. Craig reached forward to turn on the air conditioner once his father had powered the car, before his wrist was slapped by a dirty, calloused hand.

"It's so hot, dad c'mon please," He complained, slumping into his seat.

"You remember why I decided to have you come run errands with me, kiddo?" Thomas ignored his desperate protests, beginning to back the car up and out of its spot.

For a moment, Craig remained silent, trying to come up with one lame conclusion as to why he was dragged out of bed so early in the morning to grab firewood with his dad. Finally, as he tapped his finger on the car door's ashtray that only seemed to be covered with pennies and gum, he responded.

"Because we need firewood for camping soon?"

"That's one of the reasons, but there's another one."

Another pause, yet much shorter as Craig gave up. "I don't know the other reason, just tell me?"

Thomas sighed as he was pulling out of the parking lot, finally making it to the main road; Craig felt relieved since the many trees had blocked the sun's bright view.

"Son, now you know I know what's best for you, and I've gotta say you and your mother are like water and oil; you don't mix very well with each other." His father explained, something in his tone sounding tired and done.

Craig frowned, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the conversation topic. "I know, I just kind of feel like she's a stranger to me sometimes."

Thomas continued to speak. "Boy, and you're getting older, turning into a fine young man. You're like some rubber band being stretched out because it seems like you just keep on growin,"

Yeah, when I was about fourteen I was the tallest kid in class..

Craig laughed at that, the initial feeling of possibly being scolded by his father toning down a bit as he responded. "I can feel it, too. Like my limbs are on fire or something."

Thomas laughed at that as well, and it had Craig feeling proud to make his own father laugh. It's not as if it was hard, it was just a really good feeling because he looked up to him.

"Yeah.." Thomas began, eyes squinting as he stopped at a red light, the sun once more hitting their eyes with brutal force. "Well, all I'm tryna say right now is that argument you and your mother had last night was out of line."

Craig clenched his jaw, drawing in a sharp breath of air through gritted teeth as he looked out his own window. "I know, I'm sorry."

"Craig, you can't bite the hand that feeds you and wonder why it doesn't come around anymore."

He doesn't really know what it is, but something about the way Thomas said those words had him feeling stripped bare of all his skin, of all the armor that could protect his fragile self underneath. He was as strong as his father was, mentally, he was all just numbness and anger, to which he uses those emotions to his advantage, because he has a hard time processing any other ones. Yet, there was something deeper, something deeper than those unregulated emotions, and it had Craig betraying himself as he admitted in a voice so small it was just above a whisper.

"I feel lost most of the time, I don't always want to argue with mom, I wish I had a better relationship with her. Like how she is with Tricia, they don't seem to have issues."

Thomas nodded, taking in the information as he entered a highway. "Just.. Don't underestimate the love she has for you. You may argue from time to time and say things you both regret, but a mother's unconditional love is undeniable, son. She won't always be around forever and I think you know that."

I don't want my mom to die, I don't want anyone to die; I don't want to think about dying at all.

"I know.." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, biting the inside of his cheek.

He flinched as he felt Thomas's reassuring hand pat his knee, then allowed himself to relax at the loving gesture before his father was speaking.

"Your mother and I love you, and I'm proud of the man you're becoming."

Craig smiled, allowing all of his teeth to show, even the crooked one's he hates. "I love you too, dad."

Then Thomas was removing his hand to place on the wheel, and Craig was looking out the main window again, finally, once more happy to be within the comfortable silence of the car. The radio wasn't on, but it didn't need to be, and as his father made another turn onto the road to enter the downtown city there was a farmers market bustling with life as Thomas slowed down the car.

"Hey, kiddo. Wanna go get some flowers for mom?"

"Sure."

When Thomas eventually parked the car and the duo walked through the crowd of people and stands, they came across a booth that had tons of pots and flower bouquets, and it was right next to a candle booth, which surely would've given Craig a headache if he focused on the smells surrounding him too hard.

Thomas was talking to the booth's owner about buying a few packets of seeds when Craig laid his eyes on something he knew felt right, something he knew that felt like home; with all of its bright golden yellow.

A rather small and dainty bouquet that only consisted of daffodils, with a bumblebee sitting on one of its petals.

You don't have to look too hard, but if you pay attention, closely and carefully, you will find the beauty in everything you lay your eyes on.