Daydream (ONC 2024)

Chapter 18: Reality

I woke with a pounding headache and my heart beating like a jackhammer, and as I rolled off the bed with a thump, the hazy memory of a world of dreams and nightmares lingered in my mind. No matter how much I tried to blank it all out, the end replayed in front of my eyes, and I cradled my head in my hands as tears overflowed my eyes. Faella's screams, Sven's desperate roar, everything falling to ash as I was powerless to save anyone, and the three words that I couldn't silence no matter how I screamed at the carpet in my apartment.

"I'm still real."

Kearo was gone, but I could still feel him, his embrace as he'd flaked apart like he'd been nothing but kindling to burn away with the slightest ember. All I could think about was that night he'd held me in Xin's castle, trembling because he knew what he was committing to was his own death while I was too much of a fool to see. All of that time, Kearo had been fighting with a fate worse than mine, and I'd yelled at him and pushed him away for what he'd done. Yet he'd still held me close until his last moment.

I'd spent so much time hating the burden of my sentience that I'd been blind to what he'd been suffering. Kearo had shared my curse, but he'd had no reality to return to. That world had been the only one he'd ever existed in, and now his strange questions about what reality felt like stabbed into my heart so deeply that I couldn't catch my breath.

"Is that how it's supposed to feel? Is this real?"

His final words to me stabbed deeper.

"Look up at the stars for me."

Kearo had been lost in the wonder of the stars the moment he came to sentience in the world of dream, and that's why he hadn't come when I'd called. Kearo hadn't wanted to die. Yet he'd chosen to give up his life when he saw me suffering, not to save the world, but to save me. If he'd told me the truth, I would have never gone into that valley, and Kearo knew that. Kearo had suffered alone so that I could be free.

Xin had known too. Even though he'd fought to his last, holding nothing back to protect his daughter, he'd gotten down on his knees in his castle to thank Kearo for making a sacrifice that he himself couldn't. Kearo had borne the weight of the world on his shoulders, and when I'd faltered and considered giving in to the world of dreams, he'd made my choice for me. To both save and kill his creators.

The spiraling thoughts took me over for so long that eventually my brain ceased function and I lay on the carpet. The longer I lingered on the images and feelings of the world of dreams, the deeper they would ingrain into my soul. If I let it float away, it might fade just as Kearo had, and I didn't want to forget them. I wasn't sure just how I could remember or honor any of their sacrifices though. To start, I sat up, cried some more, and checked the date on my phone. No time had passed here, which meant I still had to go to work, pay my rent, and exist.

It was hard at first, returning to my daily routine as I wondered if I wasn't completely insane. Like it had all been a lifelike dream, and I hadn't really fought for our world nor killed my closest friends. But, as the days passed, the news reports surface and they all read the same thing.

Lab Explodes. Exposes Population to Hallucinogenic Neuro Drug.

Half a Dozen Dead in Freak Accident Including One Child.

Rare Side Effect of Explosion Causes Shared Hallucination.

Seeing Xin's face on the internet as I sat at my desk ripped all the pain I'd been suppressing back to the surface. With a white lab coat, reading glasses, and hair tied up that made it barely to his shoulders, he was no ancient Chinese warrior. Just a skinny scientist with dark but kind eyes who'd filled the role his daughter had needed.