Terminal Seduction

CHAPTER 9

“Hindi mo pa rin ba ako naririnig?” muling tanong ko sa kanya. Bigla siyang tumayo at hinarap ako.

“Can't you see? May ginagawa ako, Yoshio.” Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Ever since we are married never niyang tinawag ang pangalan ko. “Yoshio? Talagang tinawag mo ako sa pangalan ko?” I clench my fist, raise my voice and suddenly slam my hands on the table.

“Ano bang problema mo? Can't you just tell me. Huwag mo akong gawin hangin, Yome! Para akong tanga nagsusumamo araw-araw sa iyo. Hindi mo ba ako nakikita?” Nangingilid ang luha ko ngunit pinipigilan kong huwag itong tumulo. Baka isipin niyang mahina ako.

“Marami akong ginagawa. Huwag mo akong istorbohin. Alam mo naman na I'm running for a higher position sa company kaya marami akong iniisip.” sagot niya.

“Ah, so pati anak mo kailangan mong pabayaan. Baka nakakalimutan mo hindi lang isang araw mo lang ito ginawa. Kundi palagi at madalas. Mga limang buwan lang naman. Sa tingin mo ba naniniwala ako sa sinasabi mo!?” The flames of hell were nurturing the monster inside me. I'm trying not to burst.

“Yome, please. Let's save our marriage. Sumusuko ka na ba? Baka naman gutom ka lang. Tara kumain na lang tayo.” My lips trembled as tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. Hindi ko na kayang pigilan ang mabigat na pakiramdam na ito. Ganito ko kamahal ang babaeng ito ngunit sinusukuan niya lang ako ng ganon-ganon lang.

“Manahimik ka na lang, masyado kang overreacting. I'm just tired. Kumain na lang kayo ng mga bata. Or? You can just send me the food here. Hindi ako maka-kasabay sa inyo.” umiwas siya ng tingin na parang hindi ko iyon nakita.

I don't know when things started to change between us. We used to be so in love, so connected. But now, it feels like we are strangers living under the same roof. We barely talk, and when we do, it's only about the kids or household responsibilities. There is no spark, no passion, and no love.

The worst part is that she doesn't seem to care. She is perfectly content with our lifeless marriage. She has no interest in trying to fix things or even acknowledging that there is a problem. Whenever I try to bring it up, she brushes it off, saying that I am overreacting or being too sensitive. It's like she doesn't want to face the truth, and it's easier for her to just ignore me and our issues.

But what hurts me the most is that she doesn't even seem to love our children. I always thought that being a mother was her true calling, but she barely spends any time with them. She is always busy with work or social engagements, leaving me to take care of our kids most of the time. And when she is with them, she is distant and unengaged. It's as if she resents them for taking up her time and energy.

Mukhang nagsasayang lang ako ng oras. Huminga ako ng malalim at saka lumakad papalabas ng pintuan. Hindi man lang niya ako pinigilan.

“Ano raw, pa? Sasabay daw po si mama?” tanong ni Miizumi sa akin. Tumalikod ako at saka pinunasan ang luhang kanina pa bumabagsak.

“May ginagawa pa raw siya. Mauna na muna tayo kumain. Tatabihan ko na lang siya ng pagkain.” My eyes were red and puffy hoping that my kids won't see this.

I don't understand how things got to this point. I still love my wife with all my heart, but it seems like she has fallen out of love with me a long time ago. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells around her, trying to please her and get her attention. But nothing seems to work. I am starting to feel invisible and unimportant in her eyes.