Nineteen

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"Cause i'm a real tough kid

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"Cause i'm a real tough kid. I can handle my shit. They said, "babe, you gotta fake it 'till you make it" and I did."

~*~*~

My life has been living hell since I woke up next to Luke. Graduation is in two days. It's happening whether I like it or not and I havent spoken a word to him. We turned in our project yesterday, separately of course, and it is beyond bittersweet to finally finish.

The thing that hurts me the most is that Luke has never once tried to reach out. I sent him a text a while ago apolozing for my part in that night but I still haven't heard a word back.

My chest is caving in on itself. My heart is clawing at its cage trying to hard to relive any of the pressure. I want to go home so badly.

The University of Michigan has been my home away from home for 4 years now. There has never been a time where I have wanted so desperately to get away from here than I do now.

This is the only place I feel comfortable. It's where I belong and now because of one drunken mistake I can't stand to look at it. Everything reminds me of him.

Every stupid picnic bench, every empty hallway. I can't even step foot in Yost Ice anymore. It hurts to much to visit the places where his presence still lingers.

I had no idea how much I needed Luke until he was ripped away from me. Even though it was by my doing it doesn't make it hurt any less.

This sucks. It sucks so fucking much and I can't handle it. I don't know how i'm ever going to escapes this bottomless pit that I was thrown into. It's so dark and lonely. It smells like Luke's cologne and if I listen carefully the echo sounds exactly like his laugh.

"Lainey, it's time to go." Mark peeks his head inside the doorway of my open door. I'm sure the rest of the people on this floor hate me. I've been blasting the saddest songs ever for hours now.

Flashing him a small smile I gather my things and follow him out. I shut and lock the door behind me and start the walk towards class.

Luke didn't show up for the first couple days after and I'm pretty sure it's because he doesn't want to face me. It stings, but I understand. The awkward tension isn't something that either one of us wants to deal with.

"Will you finally tell me what's crawled up your ass and died?"

"I'm just a little sad that we are actually graduating," I turn my head so that I catch his eyes. "I can't believe it's actually happening."

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