Best Life

Chapter 22

Katie

I wake up early with an unfamiliar feeling in the pit of my stomach and a weird smile on my face. Contentment.
Satisfaction.
Happiness.

It's a strange feeling for me but not one I'm fighting. If the reason was any more obvious it would have slapped me in the face and sent me sideways. It's him of course. That smile. Those eyes. Those fucking magical hands. I know he's asking me to trust him without saying the words, to give this thing we have a red hot chance, that he wouldn't hurt me. Not on purpose anyway. I can't deny the attraction we have. It's like this definitive pull between us, like as if the universe had a plan for us all along.

He knew I was giving him an 'out' after I spilled about my parents and gave him a glimpse at my crazy angry life and he didn't bolt. Well not yet. I don't really want to know what he thought of my rant. If I had of had the courage to look up at him, I wonder what I would have seen in those gorgeous eyes of his?
Pity.
Anguish.
Regret.

But I didn't have the courage to look. I just brushed my stupid angry tears away and kept fucking gardening. Keeping my unreasonable level of hatred I hold inside for the girl, front and centre at least for a little while.

But the way he looked at me in the pool brought all of my insecurities rushing at me like a damn freight train. He made me look at him. I was already vulnerable. Jesus, he'd just shoved his fingers inside me and demanded that I come for him again. Then he pinned me with his hands on either side of my head, his body hard up against me, pushing me into the pool wall but the one thing I couldn't escape even if I wanted to, was what he was telling me with his eyes. They had me paralysed. Breathless. Did he really understand what I'd been through? How self destructive and angry I was? And he still wanted me? Us? Could I find it in myself to trust him? That he wouldn't take more than I could give. Break me. Break my already damaged heart. I'm not sure it's something I could survive.

I did make one promise to him and probably to myself too.
Not to run.
That in itself was something I had come to rely on in my life.
When things get hard. Run.
When I get too emotional. Run.
When I get too angry. Run.
When I think I'm getting too much for someone. Run.

I said I wouldn't and I wonder if I'm going to be able to stick to that? Only time will tell I guess. If this thing we have, doesn't feel right, then I owe it to him to tell him first.
Then I can run.
Hell, it's what I do best.

I sigh heavily and bury my face into my pillow letting out a wimpy childish scream. Where was that happy feeling I'd just woken up with a few moments ago? My moods change so quickly I can barely keep up with myself. What I wouldn't give for some clarity and calmness to wash away the fears and anger. Coffee. That's what I need. I roll out of my bed and trudge over to my bathroom, do my business and chuck my hair into a ridiculously messy bun. Throwing on a robe over my singlet and my favourite purple undies, I head to my tiny kitchen.

The kettle is almost ready and I'm humming away to a tune in my head, doodling away on my sketchbook with a feeling of designing something new for my portfolio.

Knock.
Knock.
Knock.

Who the fuck would that be so early in the morning? I glance down and realise how inappropriately dressed I am to be answering the door. I cautiously creep towards the door and check the peephole. Fuck. It's Adam.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Just a minute," I finally say through the closed door.

He's already seen all of me I guess, but that doesn't make me any less nervous. I suppose this is one of those times that despite my self consciousness, this is the real me. Take it or leave it. I take a breath and concede that he's just going to see me in my morning mess and I unlock the door, pulling it slowly open and effectively hiding myself behind it. I didn't think I'd see him again so soon. We didn't make plans when he dropped me off home late yesterday. Just a quick kiss in the car, a devastating smile and the promise to see me soon.
This was soon.
Real soon.
But holy hell he looks amazing in just a t-shirt and jeans, hair still slightly wet from a shower and in his hands...coffee and food. I open the door wider, trying to smile confidently and gesture for him to come inside.

"Morning. I brought coffee and ahh food," he says with a touch of nerves as he moves inside and towards the kitchen bench.

It's a small unit so in a few strides he's placed breakfast down and turns back towards me. I haven't moved from my spot at the now closed front door. His mouth drops open slightly as he slowly takes me in. Strips me barer than I already am in a flimsy robe and bare feet, hair a mess, no makeup and probably morning breath. So attractive. He cocks his head to one side and smiles at me. Of course he fucking does. But there's something more there too.
Desire.
Longing.

My heart is thudding away in my chest and it feels so loud that I wonder if he can hear it.

"So... umm breakfast then. Thanks," I do my best to project confidence even though I don't feel it.

He just takes up so much space, in the physical sense and emotionally as well. I'm flustered and excited at the same time. Overall though...it's good to see him again so soon.

I brush past him, our arms touching and he reaches for my wrist engulfing it in his big hand. He gently tugs me back around so we are chest to chest, his other hand reaching around and splaying across my lower back.

"I missed waking up next to you this morning," he says quietly and smiles at my slightly stunned expression.

Holy shit.

He is so fucking sweet and I have no idea how to respond except to stare into his eyes. He doesn't appear to be expecting a reply and simply leans down and gently presses his soft lips to mine. I close my eyes and bask in the feeling of warmth and everything that is him. All him. All Adam. My mind is quiet. I feel calm in the silence that surrounds us. I'm not usually so lost in a simple kiss but it's like we are frozen in this moment.
Serene.
Peaceful.
Soothing.

We pull away from each other but the essence of him lingers on, the buzz on my lips and the shining sparkle in his eyes. Fuck I'm crushing bad. He doesn't let me move too far, his paws moving up and down my arms, his eyes lingering on my tattoo peeking out from the front of my robe, curling up my chest and neck. I feel like honesty is what he deserves from me. I haven't held back so far with the good... and the bad.

"I missed you too," I can't help but smile at the genuine grin he gifts me upon hearing that. I spin around and reach up to the cupboard to grab a couple of plates.

"Let's eat then," the food and coffee smells too delicious to ignore any longer.