~KÃRMÃ~ it's coming back around

𝐶𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑓𝑢𝑛 𝑛𝑜𝑤...

Trigger warnings: this chapter contains detailed descriptions of suicide attempt, child abuse, child molestation, anxiety and depression. If you're triggered by any, please proceed with caution.

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𝐶𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑓𝑢𝑛 𝑛𝑜𝑤,
𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑚𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑓𝑢𝑛 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝒉𝑒𝑛

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Lockdown Day 16 (April 12th) 

In a way, it was exciting to be stuck at home with no commitments and responsibilities as long as you knew how to manage your time. Well, Adaline did, for the first week or so but all things fall apart one way or the other. 

She watched and rewatched her favourite films and TV shows; read all poetry books, annotated them all over again too; read other books, and even indulged herself in some fan fiction (not her proudest moment, but we all know, sometimes, it's better than actual fiction); learned how to make fluffy coffee and cloud bread as everybody on TikTok did; read all the scripts that have been sent to her by her agent, but the anxiety of not knowing when filming would be back and in what capacity, made her close said scripts more times than she'd like to admit. 

She was crawling out of her skin by the end of the second week. She realised just how much she loved taking evening strolls through lively and bright New York. How much it helped with her anxiety, insomnia and intrusive thoughts. How much she depended on human contact even if she hated people most of the time. She hated texting and FaceTime. She felt stupid and ashamed to text someone in the middle of the night when insomnia and what-ifs would get the best of her. 

Everyone was struggling in their own way and she didn't feel like dumping her trauma on anybody else. Her therapist told her she could have as many sessions as she wanted, but it wasn't the same. "Online therapy. Online. On a Zoom call. What?" She was so dumbfounded by that aspect of quarantine life. She honestly hates it. 

16th day of quarantine, well, more like an early morning of day 17 but who's counting, right? All that goes through her head as she lays on her bed staring at the ceiling is how much she needs a drink. And that's not healthy, she knows it but she's been craving it. 

She has a complicated relationship with alcohol. She can drink without a problem when she knows she's not trying to drink away her memories. A night out with a friend group is fine. But alone, stuck at home with no one to pull her out, that's a dangerous game. 

Trying to talk herself out of getting that bottle of tequila from the upper shelf in her kitchen, she slips out of bed in search of something to do. She needs to fill her mind with something, anything. A ding from her phone stops her dead in her tracks. Who the hell is up at this hour? Curiosity wins as she reaches for the addictive device charging on the nightstand. Her heart skips a beat as soon as she sees the notification. 

iMESSAGES
Sunshine 😜
Are u awake?
(Delivered at 02:26) 

Well, that's not a plot twist. They've been texting every day from the moment they met at Selena's party. They only met in person after that once for lunch at some celebrity-friendly cafe in West Village. Adaline was a stuttering gay mess the whole time, but Taylor seemed amused and enjoying herself very much. The blonde hugged the actress tightly when they were parting ways, saying she'd love to do this again and that she'd text her. She did and continued to do so every day after. Sometimes, they'd share some personal thoughts, other times it would just be a picture of Taylor's cats or Adaline's favourite poem. It was natural, but still in the very early stages of friendship.