Cand(y)ice

5

This sensation of isolation, of being in a crowded room yet still feeling all alone, as though your heart had been decapitated as your skin. And in the air, the scent of alcohol, Henessy. To her, ecstasy. To me, feeling lonely. For once, I thanked myself for having learned lucid dreaming, or I would have drowned into this dream of memories. Though around me constantly clung a web of lies, I still knew that my life was far from complete desolation, and I considered myself content with what I got. My past was no excuse for me not to be grateful.

In short, I did not dream of serial murder.

Sighing, I got up, glancing at my notebook, thinking about what I could write inside of it. From my night of lucidly deciding not to dream, and the shouting sounds coming from downstairs, the pages would be blank for one day. I sighed again.

Looking into the mirror, I realized that other than my sleep schedule, my skin had broken out as well. The red patches all around my features, accentuating the anger in my gaze but taking away all of the dreaminess I wanted to convey to this world. How could I not sigh after seeing that. That girl, in the mirror, looking like a complete mess and feeling the very same way. My curls needed competent lawyers, that was for sure.

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''Mara.'', I nodded to my half sister as she ate her breakfast. It was the first time I had seen her seat down at a table and actually let her body take in the energy food provided, so I could not stop but stare at her the way some stared at me in the hallway.

''Dad and I had a talk.'', she let her dark eyes graze my face, which made me lose my colors. On days like this, I refused human contact, even if it was solely a gaze or a glare. As her eyes left my direction to go back to the piece of bread she was eating, I felt my brain turn on, the thoughts instantly washing away my self consciousness.

The way they communicated, was no talk. Mr. de Lys had raised his voice so high I could no longer tell the low crispiness of it, and that meant a lot coming from me, for each time he would grace me with his presence, I would feel my eczema flare up from how much each of his words sounded like badly made ASMR.

''Nice. Have you seen Richard? He's normally up by now.'', I let out, before realizing my mistake. What was I saying? Now she had even more proof against me... Oh, fuck you, Candice Dellore!

''He is sick.'', her lips moved slowly, as her eyes didn't lose their darkness. I had always thought cat eyes were the most imposing kind of eyes, but she showed me that it wasn't about the shape at all, more of the feeling behind the pupils.

''Oh.'', I tried to keep my composure in front of my half sister, smiling, before quickly leaving for Richard's room. Mara didn't seem fazed at all about his illness, and she was his real sister, so he probably wasn't on his death bed. But, at the same time, Mara didn't even bat an eyelash when she was being stalked, according to her brother. She had never talked to me about her experience though, I guessed because she still saw me as a stranger she had to see everyday.

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''Don't worry, it will work.'', I heard a voice come from Richard's room, as I made my way closer to the door. From his intonation, he seemed to be on the phone, so I waited a few seconds for him to hang up, before grabbing the door handle.

''So, Satan's not so effective after all.'', I smiled, as I entered my half brother's room. He laid on his bed, eyes closed, his black hair falling on his face... as though he hadn't been talking a few moments ago. I shook my head, happy enough that at least he looked healthy. Maybe he only wanted to skip school, after all, Richard was never known to be an excellent student.

''You're talking to a patient, Candy, have some mercy.'', he opened his eyes, wearing an exaggerated expression as I sat down on the edge of his mattress.

''This reminds me of a meme I saw online. You shouldn't say that, imagine if you meet a French serial killer and they take it as 'merci'.'', I laughed, forgetting the marks on my cheeks for an instant. When I talked to Richard, it was as though I forgot everything. And who even cared about the time, or the fact I was late for school? Not me. All I cared about was the way he looked at me, as though his pupils were pulling me in... No... I was proving Mara right once again. I sighed.

''Who the fuck thanks a serial killer?'', he pulled me out of my thoughts, as he smiled at me. Mara was right, Layne was right, everyone was right... but this felt right.

''I don't know... me?'', I giggled, knowing my half brother was one of the few people who actually enjoyed my crazier side.

''You're really special, Candy.''

I knew now why I had had a dreamless sleep. The dream was happening now, slightly late, but always welcome.

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''Candice, it's not like you to miss class.'', Mr. Delettre frowned at me as I went into his office as he had ordered. I had spent the whole of yesterday at Richard's bedside, and since dad was at the company and mom had gone back to work, nobody warned the school about my absence.

''I was sick, sir. I'm sorry, it's that my parents work a lot and didn't have time to write you an email.'', I explained, feeling my cheeks flare up from both shyness and fright. I hated lying, but I hated that fact even more. I needed it to survive in this world of Maras and Loris. I needed that skill, but if looks could kill my teacher would have become a killer already. Would it be murder, homicide, or manslaughter?

''That isn't the most important point. You missed an important exam.''

I froze.

''Don't worry much about it, I know what kind of student you are, Candice. Just don't let this happen again.''

I could feel it, since the incident with Elan, which I did not want to think about at all, I had lost my place in Mr. Delettre's heart as a good girl. And to regain my place, I had to provide more quality work in the future...

''I'm really sorry, sir. Is there any way I can take the test?'', I felt my saliva run stale, but my heartbeat evened. He did not see through my lie, or at least was enough of a gentleman to not make it known that he was, in fact, not stupid and gullible like most of his students thought.

''Yes, you can come to my office Friday to take the exam.'', I was about to leave, when suddenly he spoke again. ''And, Candice, please wear the school uniform.''

I sighed, giving him my best 'good girl' smile, before leaving. In a way, I knew not listening to him so many times in a row would cost me some of the benefits I had gotten from my outstanding essays. But, then again, fashion over anything.

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''Candice, we got a call from your school. Don't miss class again.'', Mrs. de Lys remarked, poised as always. She had gotten home from work early, and so she was eating dinner with us. From the look on Mara's face as she forced a bite down her throat, this was no good news.

''It won't happen again.'', I tried to replicate her gracefulness, but very obviously couldn't. Maybe it was hereditary. The lady nodded, expressionless. She was so beautiful in her nightgown, with her high cheekbones and straight, aristocratic nose. Yet, in her eyes there was no more warmth than a freezing winter day.

As I poked at my food, finding it tasteless compared to sweets, I found myself lost in thoughts. I had never understood why exactly did this family take me in, for except Richard none of them ever showed either interest or affection towards me. Never. In the first week I had came, my half brother wasn't home, and nobody had spoken a word to me, except for a few sentences about the adoption paperwork and a ten minute guide of the mansion. I sighed, thinking about how no matter my status, I always had this halo of loneliness wrapped around me tight, like a scarf. A designer scarf, I hoped.

''Don't mind her, there's been a few problems at the company, both the parents are on edge.'', I felt Richard whisper in my ear, as he held my hand beneath the table.

Mrs. de Lys hated when people talked during mealtimes, yet strangely, she did not object to our conversation. Maybe this was truly all a dream.