Under Lock and Key

28: Almost There

Kelly Rossi, December 25th, 1949, Modoc County

10:00 am

"I can't believe it's happening," Davey muttered again, standing in the yard next to the flagpole.

He's looking around, so it's natural I am as well. The dorms, our Sea dorm on the end, the place we've slept and talked and dreamed and laughed and fallen in love, and made a family of our little Lost Boys my first year.

But for Davey, almost four and half years of his life. He was a little over seventeen when he came and now he's almost twenty two. The wardens were agreeable to letting him spend his last year here. Usually you're sent to the adult penitentiary at twenty one. Still his sentence for getting an underage girl pregnant was being sent to reform school, not real jail anyway.

I know he really didn't do it. He was here to hide from himself in a way. Although he deserved a consequence for sure, hurting his girlfriend.

Now he's free. Time's up.

I understand the need to take it all in one last time.

The burned out tree still standing, a testament to the dark side in Wes. The garden that we helped rebuild, now growing green, provides food for the school. The classroom itself where we struggled under Mr. Finster, where we taught the littles to read, where I started to fall in love with Lee, watching him give his time, patience and care to kids in crisis.

The chicken coop, a new one, but in the same place I'd seen Little Bobby's true nature, at least one aspect of it. A warning sign, I should have heeded. The garage where Glen learned he was more than his pretty face. The field where we played in the snow together. The basketball court, a memory I'd never forget, of a sweaty, glowy Lee failing happily, and willing to lean on me, both physically and in his heart.

The Big House where I first met Herman and Henry, boys I will love until the day I die. The place where we celebrated that first Christmas, seeing Little Mouse's face light up when Mac brought him the wagon. The lunchroom where we'd laughed and teased and ate together, as a community.

Further, beyond where we could see from this spot, the forgotten, lonely house where Lewis told us the redemption story of Ebeneezer Scrooge. Where Lewis realized he too could change and grow and find love with Wes.

The river where I'd fallen in love with Lee Clarke. Where we'd made love. For the first time, but I swear, not the last. Where he gave me my red bracelet that I'm wearing right now.

This school where I'd learned to be a man. Where I'd learned to listen and respect the stories others had to tell. Where I'd learned from Mr. Campbell and Mr. Cooper, how to compromise, how to think before I act. The place where I was successful almost single handedly running a facility, managing the money, teaching, and organizing the daily schedule and well being of the students, during Mr. Krenshaw's absent but present tenure.

Where I'd found peace with my memories of childhood. Found a way to keep Ray in my heart without letting his death and the loss of what might have been overwhelm me.

Even though it was just Lewis, Wes and I standing with Davey to say goodbye, I can feel the presence of our friends surrounding us. Glen and Stan. Max and Morrie. Joey and Carl. Little Bobby meowing like a kitty. Little Mouse, a cherub, huge blue eyes and tiny hands. Henry talking a mile a minute. Herman standing still with his jingle bell tied to his shirt. Donny, scowling, his arms wrapped around Lee. My Lee, calm, quiet, and strong.

Davey looked like a mess. He was white as a sheet, and his fingers were twisting again and again. His long sandy brown hair ruffled, dark circles under his eyes. He slept with me last night, and I held him as he cried. I rocked him and tried to comfort him, knowing that was what Lee would have wanted. My boy seemed cold, but he was such a softie and can never stand by when someone is hurting. So I held Davey close, letting his tears wet my neck, my hands in his hair.