The Bath || Stenbrough

1960

tw: sh (delightful ik)

Bill placed a gentle kiss on Beverly's forehead, making Stan's heart flood with envy. He'd never let the floodwater reach the gates of his mouth, though.

"What's wrong Staniel?" His (somehow) best friend Richie tapped his shoulder.

"Nothing." Stan reassured him with a slight smile.

"Oh come onnnn!! I know you better than that." Richie huffed ruffling his hair.

"I'm fine, Richie. I'm just going to head home." He rolled his eyes, hopping on his bike.

The 'losers' were all sitting on a large cliff at the quarry, where they often hung out. The bike home was filled with steep hills and rough rocks. But Stan still managed to get home after nearly half an hour of biking. He ran straight for his room, which was excessively neat since he couldn't bear a mess. Stan ran his fingers through his brown hair, which in his opinion looked like a curly mop. 

"Shit." He muttered, collapsing onto his bed. He didn't exactly understand his feelings, but he knew they hurt. Part of Stan always knew he wasn't straight, but he used all he had in him to suppress that part. "I'm not gay." He mumbled to himself. 

The emotions began to overwhelm the boy, but he knew he didn't want to cry. He'd only have 4 left...As a different way to release his emotions, Stan tried screaming into his pillow. He screamed as loud as he could, still barely making a sound due to the large fluffy case.

It didn't work.

For the first time in his life, Stan felt like he wanted to die. Every day his feelings were so conflicted, like an endless battle against himself and he was sick of it. He stumbled down the stairs into his kitchen. The counter had some sort of red liquid staining it, which made Stan gag. He wiped it down with a wet wipe he had in his pocket. He always kept a small pack of them for emergencies like this. Well, maybe they weren't emergencies, per se. But to Stan? They 100% were.

After wiping down what he now guessed to be Kool-aid, he opened one of the kitchen drawers. It was filled with an array of shiny knives, all large enough to cut a cake. Stan slipped on of the knives up his sleeve and walked back upstairs. He sat on his bed, pulling the silver object out of his sweater sleeve. Something about the way it shined compelled him to use it, not on an object, but on himself.

Stan shakily lowered it to his wrist, swiping it to make a clean cut. It wasn't deep enough to kill him, nor did he plan on ending his life (at least today.) He just wanted to feel enough physical pain to distract himself from the emotional pain. A trickle of blood fell across his arm, somehow satisfying him. It felt nice in a way.

But, god did it hurt.

Stan hadn't felt anything other than an overwhelming confusion in months. He wasn't really confused- well not entirely. But ignoring what you do know sort of gives that effect. Stan heard a knock on his door making him jump.

"H-Hold on, I'm changing!" He shouted, as he stammered to put the knife away. Stan rolled up his long sleeves and slipped the knife under his pillow. "Come in!" He exclaimed nervously.

To his surprise, it was Bill Denbrough who opened the door. "Hey, are y-you o-o-okay."

"Oh...uh, yeah!" Stan replied anxiously. "Why're you...um here?"

"Your d-d-dad let me i-in." Bill answered, sitting down on the boy's bed.

"Oh."

"I w-wanted to check on y-y-y-you. Richie s-says y-y-your sad."

"Oh. Well Richie's....um Richie."

"You say oh lot's today." Bill pointed out, brushing Stan's hair out of his face.

"O-...I mean um...sorry." 

They both laughed.

"W-What's wr-wrong, Stan? You've b-been so...s-s-s-sad."

"I'm not sad...why does everyone say that?"

Bill took his two hands, holding them in his. Stan blushed, as Bill rubbed the backs of his hands. Something about the look in his eyes made Stan feel like everything would be okay. 

Bill had a way of doing that.

One that made Stan fall head over heels for him.

Bill planted a small kiss on the boys forehead. "I-If you say s-so." 

"I am okay."  Stan realized.  "I have Bill."

a/n: sorry its short ive been busy i promise the story will be picking up soon

also random question would yall like to see a byler fic bc i have a really good idea